Chapter Forty Five. Derby Discovers Gold

Derby Discovers Gold

"Well hello Springtime!," resounded Derby when he discovered himself back in Umpa's lair.

"Ummmm...Mister Monster? Where did you come from?"

Derby recognized the voice, but then it was the glip glop sound that fully reminded him. "The talking fish!," he thought immediately and noticed the jovial freshwater angler, just beneath the surface of the charming stream at his feet.

"Hello there...let me see...yes, I remember!," reflected Derby as he carried on the conversation with the small fish in the big stream. "You've never met a fish you didn't like and you are also fond of worms."

"Yes sir, fond of fish. Sure am. Fish and flying bugs. Love em both. Goo-gurgle-glop," quoted the tail wiggling water treader.


"And you don't like Monsters...right?," questioned Derby.


"Well met a few who were ok. But never met a fish I didn't like. Sure do like fish. Flying bugs too. Yep. Love em both. Sure do," happily confirmed the fish.


"And in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1," countdowned the Derbster, "you're going to tell me you have to go"


"Watch your step there Monster. Glip-glop. Wouldn't want to get your shoes wet. Ever meet a fish you didn't like? Don't think so! Fish and flying bugs. Good as worms. Blub-glub. Sure do like fish. Monsters, not so much. Bye!," said the fish as if the narrator was cutting and pasting lines from Chapter Twenty. (Who would sink to such a sneaky and lazy tactic as that?)


At the line Monsters, not so much Derby was saying "Two." And just as he said "One," the fish had finished talking with, "Bye."


"Exactly as I thought," said Derby, proud of his prediction.


"Hello Mister!," then came the line from a cheerful floppy eared bystander.


"Well hello Kinko!," returned Derby to the convivial bunny. "How is my cotton tailed friend?"


"I'm digging the colors of Spring Mister. My brother got a bunch of bunny chics pregnant since you were here last. Yep, Rumper has been very busy. Lots of nieces and nephews bouncing all around these here woods. Momma says Rumper has been very generous with his seed but maybe it is time to stop sowing so well," quoted the carrot chewing junior.


"Well this seems like the time for it!," replied Derby enthusiastically as he appreciated the daffodils and tulips. "It has always been my understanding that you bunnies are fertile!"


Looking back at his big white ball behind him, and then brushing his fuzzy belly, Kinko responded. "Fur Whater? Rumper is good and furry. Yep. But don't know about no fur tiles or fur turtles or whatever you're talking about stranger. Well, gotta run! Momma told me not to be late. Bye!," and the cute bugs character dashed back into the briar patch.

Derby inspected himself and his surroundings. "I'm back and I'm myself again!"

The last five weeks as Jenninqua in a bottle were bizzarre but somehow very satisfying for him. He felt the tinge of stirring energy below his abdomen which settled in his testicles. For just a moment he worried that some new ugly manifestation was waiting for his discovery. He examined his equipment by stretching the tops of his pants open so he could view whatever new rude awakening he might encounter there.

"Phew," he said outloud when he found the normal skin and other attachments which formed his beloved triumvirate. "Glad you boys are back in the house!," said Derby as his trousers snapped back around his waist, his shoulders were squared, his chest was thrust out and his old self confidence announced itself by his machismo and his stride.

"Easy there big fella," said a familiar voice. "Don't let your masculinity and false pride define you."

"Who goes there?," asked Derby when his attempt to find the source of the voice had failed him.

"It is us," came the reply, "Shrinegold, the spirit of the vein."

As the answer came, the flash of light off some minerals in a protruding rock caught Derby's attention.

"Thank you Shrinegold!," announced Derby as he approached the rocky area in the clearing.

"Tell me Spirit of the Vein," Derby continued, "What does it mean...Spirit of the Vein?"

"We're one of the five main elements of the Earth," explained Shrinegold to their attentive listener. "We are metal, and especially gold. Water, Fire, Soil, Wood and Metal are the elements. But do you mind if we elaborate a little about each one?"

"By all means," assented our familiar hero. "I'm totally enraptured by your instruction. Please continue."

"Water and fire are not more weighted or important exactly, but they also have what you may think of as "cousins" in another realm of the cosmological mysteries," explained the talking minerals.

"I'm sorry," interrupted Derby. "I don't understand what you mean by the cosmological mysteries. Can you elaborate on that before further elaborating on the other elements?"

"But of course my son," assured the loving Spirit. "Perhaps it will be easier if I ask you a few questions. Would that be alright?"

"As I said Master Mineral," acquiessed Derby, "this is your show. I'm at your service! Please, conduct the proceedings how you so choose!"

"Very well," replied the metallic mentor. "Which are the chief players in reproduction?"

"Why male and female of course," came Derby's instant reply.

"Yes," confirmed Shrinegold. "And what pigments define night and day but are neither primary or secondary colors?"

"Ummmg," thought Derby as he chewed his bottom lip in his thinking process. "White and black!," came his urgent solution.

"Right again!," commended the tutor of tanzanite. "And which orbs rule those corresponding skies?" further quizzed the teacher.

"Well, the sun by day and moon by night," reasoned Derby, while his brain raced ahead to capture the essence of the teaching.

"And is there a corresponding temperature shift?," asked Shrinegold, "that follows the sun and moon?"

"I knew your question would concern hot and cold!," proclaimed Derby proudly.

"So you see, of the five elements," probed the voice of the rocks, "that water and fire are related to male, female, sun, and moon, cool and hot?"

"Yes! I get it!," happily confirmed Derby.

"So, you can understand that they have a direct link with Yin and Yang?," asked the Spirit of the Vein.

"And all things have both Yin and Yang!," blurted the Derbster, as his own reflection further enhanced the nature of the teaching.

"Exactly my boy!," cheered Shrinegold. "But in the five elements, water and fire have an equal role with three others. And they interact as spirits and character. They actually have feelings and goals."

"You mean to tell me that water and fire, soil and wood and you yourself, as the spirit of metals, actually feel and strive to some form of perfection?," asked Derby in disbelief.

"Not in the same way humans behave my son," calmly explained the deep spirit, "but yes, we have work to do and we are alive. All living things care and feel."

"My heavens," said Derby to himself but outloud. "That is an astounding thing to think about!"

"I'm glad you're sensitive enough to appreciate the finer points of the teaching my lad," lovingly acknowledged the tectonic teacher. "May I finish?"

"Oh, I'm sorry," apologized Derby. "I didn't mean to interupt."

"Not at all my love!," corrected Shrinegold. "I'm merely wanting to make sure we proceed at the same pace. This is not simple material to absorb!"

"You're right about that Shrinegold!," agreed Derby. "I'm talking to rocks, who are convincing me they're every bit as alive as the little bunny and fish that I conversed with moments ago!"

"You will soon be a teacher yourself my son," affirmed the monkish mineral. "If you can understand that, and see the life in everything which surrounds you, you will soon discover that there is nothing that divides you from any of it. That it is as much of you and you are as much of it as your own glands and organs are to your own body."

"Please don't delay Rabbi!," said Derby. "Explain further about soil and wood. I have much to learn!"

"OK. So let us consider the cycles of the Earth," continued Shrinegold. "You have learned to love the seasons, right?"

"Yes," confirmed Derby with a smile as he appreciated the signs of Spring.

"Just as winter eased into a melt and the melt eased into small buds opening, this season will gradually change to a more intense time when the summer sun rules and heat dominates the day," said the rockish spirit. "Just when the hottest moment seems as if it is excruciating, again there is yielding, and the leaves which almost seem burnt by the sun's extreme energy, the water will flow backwards and the colors will change into a glorious celebration of golds and reds."

"Yes, the cycle comes full circle and each season is distinct. But there is an inter-relationship. One bleeds into the other," reflected Derby.

"A nice way to think about it," replied Shrinegold. "And so it is with the five elements. Water goes to the trees and the growing green things. These growing things are wood. Wood makes fire. Which then turns to soil (or other forms of Earth). Within the ground, minerals are produced from the activity of life from within that layer of element. And these elements then yield to water.
Thus the cycle runs!"

"So soil is just one example of the Earth or matter element? And wood describes all green living things because they are fibrous?," clarified Derby.

"Exactly," affirmed Shrinegold. "Now there are other ways the five elements interact. For instance, even though Earth (soil) makes metal (me), and water makes wood, Earth has a direct and dominate influence on water and water has a direct influence and dominance on fire."

"And the feminine also is the controlling influence of the male?," questioned Derby, as he wondered about the ramifications of the teaching.

"Your inquisitive nature is impressive my human student!," cogitated Shrinegold. "But you must understand that there are many aspects of male and female, yin and yang. Not to mention there are more than two genders and there are nearly infinite combinations of character."

"More than two genders?," reflected Derby, remembering something Umpa had recently said. "I recall Umpa saying the other day there are seven types of gender. Would you mind elaborating on that.

"As I understand it my boy," peacefully declared the Spirit of the Vein, " we have eyes on us. And we should give them some rest. They have many other pressing things to do than to spend all their time reading what you and I have to say to each other. Shall we give our courteous readers a break?"

"Let's," agreed Derby.

Chapter Forty Six. Funny Thing Happened When I Was Talking to a Rock

Funny Thing Happened When I Was Talking to a Rock

They say, "write for yourself." But surely we write for others. A person can keep a diary or can sit in a corner and engage in a two sided conversation, asking and answering the same questions, without the need for outside participation, for that matter.

Courteous reader, would you agree, an author bears a certain responsibility for the entertainment of his readers? Seems reasonable.

For instance, at this point, it would be easy to get on with the teaching by Shrinegold, but it may get a little boring for all three of you, so it seems like this might be a good time to introduce some more action adventure. Whatayathink?

Both Shrinegold and Derby agreed that enough of a break had been granted to the huge gathering seated in the audience (Hi Mom, Hi John Boy!), and so Shrinegold proceeded with their message.

"To answer your question about the seven genders," the voice of the vein began, "these apply to all life forms. There is male and female, we call the primary. There is neuter, and this isn't restricted to "cut cattle"--(steers), castrated male slaves (eunuchs), or spayed pets. There are natural forms of neuter gender organisms and hybrid forms too, such as a male mule. There are many cases of subatomic and cosmomorphic neuter gender life forms."

Shrinegold paused for this to be absorbed. Then continued, "There are the homosexual males and homosexual females. These are distinct and very different than male and female primary. Then there is Spirit Male and Spirit Female. Both of the spirit genders exist as higher life forms and also on Earth. All genders have potential to pass to the Spirit realm, even while they embody a physical living form in the realm you refer to as normal being."

"Excuse me Shrinegold," interrupted Derby. "This Spirit realm thing...you're telling me that these beings are among us and also in other realms too?"

"Yes," confirmed the metalmeister.

"And Spirit has gender?," questioned Derby, who appeared to be immersed in deep contemplation as if solving a problem.

"Spirit primary does not have gender," explained Shrinegold. "But there are forms of Spirit with a capital  "S" that are male and female. There is more ground here than we can cover this morning my lad," further explained the vein of gold. "The reason I say Spirit with a capital "S" is because EVERYTHING is spirit, just as everything is alive and nothing is disconnected."

"And you said all gender forms have the potential of transcending into the realm of the Spirit genders?," asked Derby.

"Yes," affirmed the teacher.

"Can it go the other way?," asked our hero.

"Excuse me?," said the rocks. "What do you mean "Go the other way?"

"Can a Spirit Male pass back into the realm of primary Male?," inquisited the Derby Dooby.

When the spirit of the vein was about to reply, two of the cutest polecats you've seen since Peppy LaPew came strolling into the clearing, holding hands. The two appeared to be very much in love and not the least ashamed to show it.

"Dahling, you simply must promise me that you do that "thing" again tonight!," said the one male polecat to the other male.

This must have been the funniest thing either of them had ever heard because they both commenced to giggling and hugging like a couple of 8th grade female human BFFs.

"Oh I promise I will if you promise you will!," replied the other one finally after they both had quit giggling. The pair then noticed Derby and stopped in their tracks. One of the polecats raised one of his paws to his chin in a reflective mood and with his other hand pulled out a pair of glasses from an unknown pocket in his fur. After placing the glasses on and adjusting them, he then seemed to peer over the top of them and announced, "Well lookie here honey. A HOMO sapien!"

The gay pair seemed to want to celebrate their discovery of finding a human in the woods. The other one  copped a real attitude and moved his neck as if he was the black female queen of "tude."

"Mister, please don't tell us that you're here to find yourself. Every human we've met seemed to be a total basket case and didn't know their ass from their elbow. Do you know the score?"

Derby was horrified. Didn't have a clue what to say.

"Well, I, er, you see. Hmmmm. May I introduce myself. Derby Joshua Clearwater Ripley. From the US of A. Here talking with Shrinegold, the Spirit of the Vein! Very glad to make your acquaintance...Mr. and Mr....? Skunk is it?"

This sent the two into a rib splitting episode.

"Arrrrrrgg, Arrrr, Arrrr," they both screamed. Tears were flowing. Mr. and Mr. Skunk! Arrrrrggg, Arrrr, Arrrrg....that's precious! Yes honey, we got SKUNK love for each other. Arrrrrrr, Arrrr, Arrrrr! I want to spray my SKUNK love all over him. Will you spray your SKUNK love on me Jasper?"

Then they continued to laugh and laugh about the skunk joke.

Derby looked around for some support from Shrinegold but there was no reflected light coming from the rocks. In fact, he wasn't sure that anyone was home in the vein anymore at all.

"Shrinegold? You there?," Derby asked.

"Yes Shrinegold," imitated one of the polecats as if trying to use his best little girl voice, "Please come back out and play and hold my hand! These big bad animals might hurt me!"

Then again the pair whaled with laughter as if the best joke just hit the stage of the best act of the best play ever written.

"Please," interrupted Derby. "Yes, please enjoy yourselves!," he proclaimed, as if recouping some of his fearlessness. "Laugh and laugh. And then when you're done come kiss my ass!"

"Well, well," said the polecat with glasses, which were now hanging from his neck, held by a ribbon. "Aren't we being a macho HOMO! Careful there honey. Wouldn't want you to hurt yourself!"

Then more gut splitting laughter ensued and the pair started rolling on the ground kicking up their heels. Finally after several minutes of hysterics, they both stopped cold. Gathered themselves up and got all dignified and composed as if a couple of college polecat professors.

"Well welcome to the lair Mr. Derby Joshua Clearwater Ripley!," spoke the distinguished marsupial. "Don't mind us. It's just that we know the score and we don't take non-sense off of hooty humans who come strolling in here hoping to find themselves, while Billy and Johnny and Cindy and Janis and all the other little kiddies back home are fucking up the planet like there is no tomorrow, while Jasper and I and the rest of the animal kingdom suffer the consequences of the mess you make with your chemicals and your radiation and your leaking landfills."

Derby blinked once and looked down. Embarassed and somewhat ashamed, he was frozen and unable to respond. While he fiddled with a stick, making little circles in the dirt in front of him, he was at a total loss how to reply.

When he looked up, after making the decision to apologize on behalf of mankind, the gay pair of striped weasals were gone.

"Well, that went well," came the voice from the vein.

"Where the hell did you go?," Derby asked, as if he was talking to his fifth grade buddy.

"We were here," said the Vein Spirit. "We just wanted to watch you handle it. We give you a C minus on performance but a B plus for your humility. Don't worry buddy. We know you feel bad about stuff. Hang in there ok?"

Chapter Forty Seven. You're Nuts If You Think I'm Going to Touch Them

You're Nuts If You Think I'm Going to Touch Them

Derby wasn't quite sure what the feeling was that overtook him. It was a certain melancholy, or indigestion, or maybe he was just tired and missed his family. But something was gurgling as he looked up in the sky and noticed the sun and clouds and clear sky.

The intensity of Earth's star did stuff to him. For one, the luminence was more than the eyes could handle, so he had to squint. When he did, his other senses were more acute and he felt the heat on his neck and face. That glow triggered a chain of other reactions. He smiled at the sound of sweet bird songs. Each exposed follicle of his skin basked in the resplendence of solar energy.

His being was raised up and out of himself except he noticed the swirling waves of activity below his abdomen in his sexual area. "Alive!," he thought to himself. And then again with even more enthusiasm he reminded whoever it was who was listening to his voice which was talking to it, "I'm ALIVE!"

Derby had to make an effort to look from a place which seemed to be outside of his own body, back into the region below his belly button. "It is actually in my balls," he said to himself with a note of surprise. "What is it?," he questioned.

The motion was spiraling. There was a heat to it. As he watched it and bore down his attention to that spark...that humm, Derby noticed it seemed to emit strings of vibration in two directions. One, more prominent oscillation was up and in the shaft of his phallus. The other, more subtle energy, seemed to run back, through his anus toward the base of his spine.

As Derby felt the vascilation between his Spirit BEING, outside of his physical body, and the primal energy stirring in his genitalia, he then started studying the relationship between his animal self and his soul. "Which is the primary being?," he heard one voice asking one listener. And then recognizing that, he spotted the circumstance of the age old realization of DUALITY.

Without much delay, there was an answer but Derby was put on alert. The quick response, was "The body houses the Spirit."

"But surely the soul is the host of the party!," came the follow-up from one of Derby's selves to the other.

Then the same voice which had recognized that, added, "and this is a third eye, which watches the conversation."

Derby hadn't once wondered about Shrinegold in those few moments of reflection, as the sun shined and his sexual power surged. Naturally, the whole of the event was only a fraction of a moment. But the moment was soon interrupted when a force jerked Derby out of his meditation and jettisoned him away from the lair and the crisp light of day.

"Come my man," said the vaguely familiar voice. "Time to get back to your balls!"

"See you soon my boy," Derby heard Shrinegold yell, as if it was a trailing voice, growing further and further distant from some narrowing tunnel, leading to Derby knew not where.

A loud wind sound howled as Derby felt himself being pulled along by a mysterious force. He was once again in that odd "limbo" state where he couldn't quite put a finger on his location or his physical presence. As the noise grew louder there was a tightening of pressure which felt as if he was being squeezed into something. Then all of a sudden, as if he burst through one dimension and left another behind, Derby felt himself fall into the back seat of the limo which he had occupied on the way to meeting Opie and later Umpa.

As before, Howard was driving the long Mercedez, but this time Opie was in the front seat with Howard. Seated in the lounge of the limo was Fredalnte Muscovito, or "Fred" as Derby had called him in the earlier chapters of the adventure.

When Derby came flying into the limo through some mysterious portal, the black and white marbles had reappeared in his right hand, just as they had been in those moments of the ride from before. Only this time, instead of going to meet Opie at the Festival and instead of talking with Fred on the car phone, they were now in the car with him.

"May I feel your balls?," Fred asked.

Derby was adjusting to the change of scenery. It wasn't necessarily that he was freaked about the flight in limbo or bursting in from another dimension, or being back in the limo like he had never left, or finding new/old faces here waiting for him. He had grown accustomed to strange circumstances since he arrived in Hong Kong.

What was taking some getting used to was that it appeared now that Fredalnte was going to take on the role of teacher. Derby hadn't decided yet that he liked Fred or trusted him. It was Fred after all that burst in on the hotel scene when Derby was figuring out what to do as a naked stranger in the presence of the beautiful naked Jeninqua.

Now Fred wanted to feel Derby's balls. Derby had mixed feelings about this.

"Will you be gentle?," Derby asked the suave passenger.

Chapter Forty Eight. Wisdom of the Tao

"

Wisdom of the Tao

In just the few seconds of being here in the limo," reported Fredalnte to Derby, after he had taken the marbles into his own hands. "They are warm. The black marble is Yin. The white marble is Yang. These are aspects of yourself Derby. You've stirred up heat. That is the white marble."

"What makes you think that I am interested in whatever you have to say?," asked Derby to Fred, reluctantly.

"You may choose to do as you please Mr. Ripley," replied Fred. "We are here to serve you. Your mission is an important one. You will affect a bigger picture than you know. You are serving our higher purpose. Therefore, we rely on each other, but only if our destinies spark."

Most of what Fredalnte explained to Derby went in one ear and out the other. But the last line was curious to him. "What do you mean if our destinies spark?"

"Ultimately, even the most skilled master will be stopped in his tracks by the last mystery," explained the handsome warrior. "So it appears he came to the end of his lessons to find one that was beyond his reach of understanding. But there are an infinite list of others beyond that one. So it is with the meaning of destiny."

"I don't know what you mean," said Derby simply.

"Predicting the future can be an art form. When logic is used, and subtle clues are observed, an acute psychologist, or physiologist, or genealogist, or physicist, or astronomer, or biologist can surmise a likely outcome," began Fred in reply.

Then he continued. "But these are acts of intellect. It is another matter altogether, to know of events before they occur as a result of transcendence of time and place. We have a view of certain events which will transpire."

"Who do you mean when you say we?," reflected Derby.

"Your guardians my lad. I told you long ago, that your chances of surviving the forces which oppose you are slim," warned Fred. "And even though your life expectancy has vastly improved with the demise of Judishante Trontan, we still face much danger."

"So Umpa?, Wahoom?, Shrinegold?, Jeninqua?," questioned Derby to his distinguished travel companion, as the limo sped quietly along the crowded Hong Kong streets. "You're all my guardian angels?"

This brought a smile to Fred's handsome face. "Angels is your word my boy," came the answer to Derby's question. "and it isn't that such an energy life form doesn't exist. But some of these mysteries are outside of my grasp, I'm sorry to say. Let us simply refer to us as your guardians. Now you are right about two, Umpa and Wahoom. I myself am in a lesser class than either of them but am in the group we call your guardians."

"What about Shrinegold and Jeninqua?," petitioned Derby.

"Shrinegold is much further up the list but also is beyond the dimensionality of gender. Shrinegold is a they. And THEY are in the elite realm of the five elements."


"And so THEY are guardians of more than just me? They are beyond the realm of sexuality?," reasoned Derby.


"Exactly!," confirmed Fred.


"And Jeninqua?," pressed Derby, still yearning to understand his connection to the beautiful temptress and creature of intrigue.


"She is neither guardian or beyond gender," replied Fredalnte.


"Can you give me more than that," begged Derby.


"What is it you fear?," asked Derby's companion.


"Fear?," replied Derby, curious but apprehensive.


"You persist to explore the mystery of Jeninqua," suggested Fred. "You're a married man, and yet you crave the touch and intimacy of this exquisite specimen of female. At times she seems to be a soul mate to you. At other times you're aroused by the thought of her and your animal instincts madden you. You want to copulate with abandon."


"I suppose you're right," answered Derby. "But why do you ask about my fear?"


"You're frightened to learn about her connection to this bizzare journey you find yourself on," explained the mentor.


"Perhaps that is true and also why I am asking," said Derby. "So, can you tell me then, the answer to my simple question?"


"And which question is that Derby?," came Fred's reply.


"Who the fuck is SHE damn it!," blurted our frustrated hero.


"We've explained to you that you did NOT make love to her in the hotel," slowly guided Fredalnte. "Right? You know that, yes?"


"Yes," confirmed Derby. "Though it is not wholly satisfying to think of that. At times I wonder which parts of this story are fantasy and which parts magic."


Another smile occupied the charming demeanor of the refined teacher, who's mesmeric features were so extremely masculine but also beautiful. "You're right to love her Derby. Please be free of guilt. You will know the answer you seek when the time has come. Can I finish a previous answer to an earlier question now?"


"I suppose," acquiesced Derby, frustrated.


"So destiny can be predicted," began Fred. "It can be surmised and sometimes certain visions are known of impending outcomes. But when certain beings have strong influences, their choices will change destiny. You're one of those beings Derby. And we don't possess high enough intuition for a clear vision  of your future choices."


"And then when you say, if our destinies spark,--what does THAT mean?," probed Derby.

"Most things in the universe are energy. Even thoughts, instincts, behavior," explained Fredalnte. "When energy crosses, sometimes there is a spark, a reaction. If our destinies (which we're not able to either surmise or intuit) cross and spark, the outcome may have a very important bearing on things which matter to you."

"WTF?," asked Derby confused. "Things that matter to me?," he continued to question. "I would have understood if you would have said bearing on mankind, or bearing on the future, or bearing on the planet. But why only bearing on things that matter to ME?"

"Don't overvalue your existence my man," explained Fred. "There are more planets in the universe than there are grains of sand in all the deserts and all the beaches of the Earth. Live and die. Bloom and recede. Life force takes on many beautiful colors. These colors are for our enjoyment and also to propagate species."

"So all we are is dust in the wind," asked Derby, somewhat dejected.

"Not at all my love," calmly suggested Fredalnte. But don't confuse matter with Being."

"OK," conceded Derby."I trust you I guess. So now that you've felt my balls and tell me that they're warm from just a few minutes of my holding them, what does this suggest to you and what are our next steps?"

"I will explain the concept of KNOWING THE MALE, BUT KEEPING TO THE FEMALE," came Fredalnte's surprising response. "So we need you to balance the energy by focussing more on the black marble."

Chapter Forty Nine. Two, Two, Two Mints in One

Two, Two, Two Mints in One

"Do you have the slightest idea what I mean by KNOWING THE MALE BUT KEEPING TO THE FEMALE?," asked Fredalnte.

"You mean like being aware of my manhood but trying to find the feminine side of me?," questioned Derby, fairly confused.

"Not exactly the feminine side of you," started Fred, "if what you mean by the feminine side of you is in any sort of sexual way. More like finding cool water, a cool stream, when you start to feel heat build up."

"So," clarified Derby, "let me get this straight. The cool water represents the Yin and the heat represents the Yang?"

"Yes, exactly," confirmed Fredalnte. The white marble is Yang, so when you feel it independently from the black Yin marble, it will feel warm and stiff."

"Wow," said Derby surprised. "I DO feel it when I isolate it in my grasp. It is hot!"

"Correct," explained Derby's back seat teacher, while the limousine hummed quietly through the streets and byways of Hong Kong. "Now focus on the black marble. What do you feel?"

"It is slippery, more rubbery and soft. Cold actually! And wet. Amazing! It feels like it has just been taken from the stream. I feel like I'd have to dry my hands!"

"Yes. It is Yin. Now," explained the handsome companion, "rub them together. Lose both the thoughts you've just had of hot and cold. Think of making love to an exciting lover. Have you got one in your mind?"

Derby quickly thought of someone and let his imagination run away as he rubbed the marbles together.

"Do you want to tell me who you're thinking of?," asked the inquisitive instructor.

"Do I have to?," asked a timid Derby, who was feeling raw sexual energy build as the marbles were getting very hot. He was amazed how vivid the fantasy was all of a sudden. He had to drop the marbles because they seemed to be burning him.

"No, not at all," said Fred laughing as he reached down in the cab area of the limo to retrieve the marbles. "I just wondered if you were thinking of Jeninqua or someone else?"

"Why does it matter?," Derby wanted to know.

"Because I want you to try it a different way now," instructed Fredalnte as he returned the marbles to Derby's hands. "Now rub them together in exactly the same way, but this time, think of your family. Wife and child and your extreme good fortune for the home you can always return to."

"Ahhh," said Derby as he did exactly as Fredalnte recommended. "Amazing! It is as if I were just rubbing the Yin marble! Wet and cool!"

"I thought so," began the teacher, who leaned in toward his student. "Do you see the difference between energy you were generating with the thoughts of passion based love-making and calm, nurturing energy?"

"Well, I don't know what they are," explained our reluctant hero, "but the first time I was aroused and built up heat. I felt primal and on the verge of having an orgasm. This time," he continued, "I feel peaceful and sweet. It is also a feeling of contentment."

As the black Mercedez limo wound through the packed roadways of the thriving metropolis, all was quiet and smooth in the back seat compartment. Fredalnte continued his teaching.

"Now I want you to really concentrate my lad. Please use Jeninqua for this example, OK?"

"Gladly!," enthusiastically volunteered Derby, excitedly.

"Let your mind race and think of Jeninqua again, riding your dragon," instructed Fred. "Remember your last ride?"

"Oh yes!," said the Derbster as the speed of the marbles rolling in his hands increased and the heat built. "Yes, I remember," he confirmed as his breathing also speeded up and became choppy.

"Slow 'er down there cowboy," warned the wise counselor. "I want you to continue to hold her in that position facing you, on your rocket, speeding through the sky."

"I AM," confessed Derby, his hands burning and his neck sweating. His skin was clammy. He was afraid he was going to erupt on the spot.

"Jeninqua is you!," blurted Fredalnte.

Instantly the heat went out of the marbles. Derby stopped and his erection went limp.

"What in the hell are you talking about?!," demanded Derby. "Man do you know how to ruin a good fantasy!"

"Keep rubbing the marbles my boy, " said Fredalnte. "But what I've said is true. Jeninqua is you. She always has been. She is an aspect of you!"

Derby couldn't explain the release which took place. He was crying actual tears. Sobbing and choking back emotion. His hands felt as if they were under a fast running faucet of freezing cold water.

"I need you to explain Mr. Muscovito," Derby struggled to suggest while he tried to compose himself. "From the airplane? To the hotel? While I was her in the bottle? While she rode my dragon? It is impossible. We've been two people. Not one."

"I know this is shocking to you," explained Fredalnte. And then as if he knew readers were watching, he winked to an invisible audience and added, "Did any of you suspect this?"

Chapter Fifty. Steam Rises

Steam Rises

Derby flashed back to the limo ride after the Ninja fight, when Jeninqua had been thrown into the seat next to him. She was tattered and beaten up badly. Derby could feel her next to him. She was nearly naked, barely covered in the torn scrap (or what was left of it) of her tiny dress.

He felt the urgency of his need for her. The tug of his care for her was imminent. She needed him now after she stood between him and danger and took a beating to within inches of her life. She used her body as a shield for him.  She was near death and Derby felt all his power should be redirected to protect her. To save her from more danger. He thought, at the time, he would use all his energy and replenish hers.

There was also the sensuality of her innocense. Her body was there, naked, except for a small thread of fabric. Her breasts, her belly, her neck, her perfect legs. She was nearly unconscious. In no way was she in shape for feeling arousal. She was struggling to breathe. And yet, Derby noticed all of her sexual fullness. "My God," he thought, "even near death she is magnificent and I WANT her. Now. Just like she is. I want to throw her down in this seat and have her. Be inside of her."

And yet, Fredalnte Muscovido had just burst Derby's bubble about his fantasy gal.

"She is me?," Derby wondered to himself. The limousine, now still winding and humming along some river road in some obscure neighborhood in Hong Kong proper, but the silence of the engine was now less present. (How is that for a bunch of double negatives in sequence?). The purr of the motor had become a banging, clanking bunch of mangled gears and fighting cats and chaotic disturbance.

A war was going on somewhere in the world and a struggle was taking place in our hero's consciousness and Derby was losing the battle.

"How is Jeninqua me?," he desperately asked his internal monitor. "WHY is she me? and then WHO am I, if also Jeninqua? And how....," he stopped and let his logic engage. "How could she have been on the plane? How did she turn into some kind of monster when Fred burst in the scene? and the mice! Umpa called them to him and spun them. Wasn't she a white mouse which had swallowed a black marble? Or was she a black mouse? Wasn't she a black marble? My God, please someone come and untangle this knot!"

As if Fredalnte was in his head watching the dialogue which Derby was conducting with himself, the handsome travel companion offered, "Derby, you need to relax. Start with your shoulders."

Fredalnte could have been a licensed physical therapist at that moment. "You are totally tight and you have very chaotic disturbance surging through yourself. Relax my boy. First try to relax. Then we'll continue."

Derby's head was spinning. He felt nauseous. "I don't feel well," he told Fredalnte.

"Focus," Fred instructed him. "The marbles are still in your hand. Rub them together."

"I don't want to feel the marbles," Derby assured Fred. "I don't want to feel period. I want to go home. Please, just let me go home."


Fredalnte wrapped his two hands around Derby's right hand which held the balls. He cupped them and maneuvered them so Derby had no choice but to squeeze and turn the marbles. The black marble trumps the white marble Derby!," Fredalnte explained. "Water puts out fire! Focus on the black marble my lad. Now imagine that the wet coolness of the black marble is in the "oven" of the white marble. What is it doing?"


With Fred's pumping motion of his two hands around Derby's right hand, the marbles were rubbing together and turning. Derby's eyes were closed and his breathing had relaxed.


"Breathe in and out of your nostrils," Fred instructed. "In and out. Relax. Now again, what is the black marble doing--in the oven?"


Derby continued to peer into the visualization which Fred was orchestrating. "It is steaming," Derby finally whispered. "There is moist steam coming off the black marble."


"Yes," said Fredalnte. "Then the steam rises. Where does it go?," he asked Derby who was now in a trance like state and lost in the visualization exercise.


"It rises to the upper chambers. Energy seems to be refined and an awakening takes place," spoke Derby, as if from a dream.


"Yes, affirmed Fred. "And circulates. Keep it circulating. Hold that circulation. Breathe."


Derby concentrated and did as he was instructed.


"Now, what do you notice about the energy?," asked the teacher to his meditating pupil. "What is different about the energy?"


"It is refined," Derby spoke mechanically. "It is subtle."


"I understand," continued Fredalnte. "But what has changed?"


"Before," slowly began Derby, eyes closed and attention focussed within, "it was physical energy stirring from my testicles. It was about reproduction. As if it was just animal drive."


"Good," commended Fredalnte. "Continue. What is different?"


"It is the same energy but mutated," began Derby. "It actually wasn't from my testicles as I thought, but had come from the base of my spine!," he said, as if he had stumbled on to a revelation.


"Excellent my boy," said Fred. "What else?"


"This is evolutionary energy!," Derby explained, as if he sat in a mysterious restaurant where unknown foods were dispensed and he had just discovered a brand new flavor, never before tasted by him.


"Hold that circulation Derby. Now who was Jeninqua and what are you to her?," Fredalnte asked of his apprentice.


"She is night. I'm day. She came to break the cycle of excess Yang. For five thousand years there has been an accumulation of excess Yang. I am her song."

Chapter Fifty One. Steamy Worms

Steamy Worms

As Derby regained his normal waking mind, he was utterly confused to hear Fredalnte discussing Yang energy. This time, the teaching wasn't about marbles or white and black.

"The biggest burden which the living planet has inherited, is the accumulation of excess Yang energy," stated the suave teacher.  "The cost and violence brought about by this male dominated type of energy in the last 50 years has come mostly at the hands of corporations."

"But how is Yang energy related to something like the Bopal disaster?," asked Derby, who referred to the world's single worst industrial catastrophe, in which hundreds of thousands of people died or suffered severe personal injury.

"I mean, I understand," continued the Derb Meister, "that it was terrible for those poor people of India.  But how was that accident, which was not deliberate and resulted by the leakage of an inert gas, a result of energy of any kind? It was probably equipment failure, or some other industrial type of accident."

"Every act, every effort by our organs, for instance of our lungs to breathe or our heart to pump blood, requires energy," explained Fredalnte.

"Of course," accepted Derby, easily.

"Therefore, compound behavior," continued the teacher, "which starts with a breath drawn by the lungs, and then requires a motion by a hand or finger to pull a lever or flip a switch, is always energy at play."

"Are you suggesting then," questioned Derby, "that this Yang behavior...let me see, which you have been teaching me about with this white marble..." (here he opened his right hand to reveal the marbles, white and black), "has somehow accumulated and is wreaking havoc on people and planet?"

"Well let me ask you my boy," began Fred. "What do you suppose is the cost to people and planet of corporate behavior, which has only one logical definition--CRIMINAL? What do you suppose has been the accumulated result and manifestation of this energy?"

"I'm not sure," answered Derby. "I don't think it is appropriate to attach a "cost" to loss of life. How do you pay someone back for immeasurable pain and suffering, not to mention loss of income and family support, by the loss of a loved one?"

"Yes, you have observed the deep significance of such an accident," continued Fred. "But let me help you understand the full picture. Trees, soil and waterways were murdered with near-total loss-of-life in some nearby environments. Human population of over one half million people was affected."

Derby listened closely and let the numbers be digested.

"Nearly half of those humans were children under 15 years old, many of them who died or were crippled for life," expounded Muscovito. "About 30,000 died, the rest have suffered immeasurably, many by blindness, infertility, severe neurological disorders, or other quality-of-life crippling circumstances."

"Yes," persisted Derby, "but how has all that loss and suffering been the result of excess Yang energy? I mean, even if it was as simple as a "switch" being thrown, meaning that human behavior was at play...how or why do you classify that as Yang behavior? I don't think you can point a finger at any one individual for corporate actions. And the person causing the accident may have been a woman!"

"Surely my friend," asserted Fredalnte, "you can see that decisions were made, which resulted in gas escaping."

"Granted," conceded Derby, "that certain individuals, acting under orders, committed acts or an act which would be classified by the courts as negligent, but clearly none of the "energy" was malicious!"

"Derby, my man. Again I repeat," asserted Fred. "This is about energy in the universe, particularly human energy. I'm implicating a force, a paradigm, a type of learned behavior. This behavior is the compound result of 5,000 years of a male dominated world, where war and violence have been the solutions to economic problems, and greed and power have been the driving force of the modern economy.

"Still, with that fact being hard to dispute, my purpose to explain these things is not to judge people as good or bad, and in particular not a sole individual or the male gender. My purpose is simply to help you understand the danger you face. I'm here now as your helper."

"Let me get this straight," reasoned Derby. "You and Umpa and Shrinegold, and even Jeninqua have been trying to train me about my own energy and also energy which threatens my own safety? And this dangerous energy is Yang energy?"

"Not exactly," answered Fredalnte Muscovito. "Everything is both Yin and Yang. Yin is not more good than Yang. Yang is not more potent than Yin. What has become dangerous is a learned, paradigmatic behavior which results from the accumulation of EXCESS YANG ENERGY."

"I think I'm starting to follow what you're saying," reasoned Derby, shaking his head in the affirmative as he tried to penetrate the ground with his vision.

"Do you know what the fine was for the criminal behavior, which Union Carbide was eventually convicted of?" probed Fredalnte.

"Well no," answered Derby, "but as I said, I find it difficult to believe that any individual could be held accountable."

"That is precisely the problem to the planet my man!," emphasized Fredalnte. "But the corporation is legally considered an individual. And we've attached a kind of "curtain of protection" to the corporate individual. It can pretty much do what it wants, facing very little consequence."

"Well then tell me," asked Derby. "What was the fine?"

"The corporate sentence was to pay an average of approximately $800 for anything less than death," answered Derby's instructor. "This was to cover the inconvenience of  loss of limbs, blindness, being totally crippled or other neurological disorder, birth defects and female infertility. For death the fine was approximately $2,000. Eventually two executives were prosecuted and served two years in a "luxury" prison and were fined approximately $2,000 each."

"But who can be blamed for this now?," asked Derby after considering the accident that happened 27 years ago in India.

"It isn't a question of blame at all. None of us want to "punish" individuals, necessarily," answered Fred.

"But that was one isolated example," expounded Fred. "Two thirds of the top corporations and 300 of the largest manufacturers have been found guilty of federal and international crimes. The damage by this irresponsible behavior runs in the trillions of dollars to people and planet, not to mention expenses which can't be quantified in dollars, but the average fine to the corporations for their horrible violations is about $1,000!"

"That's all?," the amazed Derby asked, disgusted.

"Yes, and what I'm trying to explain,," elaborated Fredalnte, "is that series of "forgiven" consequences is also a result of a male dominated world. What is granting this power of turmoil, violence and devastation to culture, people and planet is a force which "brokers" this excess Yang energy!"

"And what danger do I face?" asked Derby, finally, after considering the implications of what Fred had suggested.

"Your story, Children of Zol," explained the confident teacher, "has many clues and hints about where this excess Yang energy resides. In other words, you have pointed a finger at a small group of people, who are the power brokers of this malicious and dangerous aberrant energy."

"Come on Fred!," exclaimed Derby to the handsome monk. "You don't expect me to believe that my little story has torn the fabric of the universe, and now an evil power will come descending down upon my head?"

Just as Derby finished asking the question, a two inch wide bolt of electricity blew out the eyes of Fredalnte. After the top of his head was blown off, steam seemed to rise from the remains of the worm like material of his brain.

Chapter Fifty Two. Duck!

Duck!

If it hadn't been for the voice which told him to do so, Derby may not have hit the ground fast enough to avoid being struck by the next bolt of electricity, which was fracturing the air around him like ricocheting ball bearings.

"Over there, quick," said the voice, "behind the limo!"

"How did we get thrown from the limo in the first place?," Derby thought to himself as he sped along the ground like a lizard in a mine field. "And why does our luxury limousine look like it was bombed by a four deuce mortar platoon?"

From behind the bombed out limo, Derby was able to sit up and try to make sense of the war zone he found himself in. First order of business was to identify the voice which had guided him to safety.

"Stay low and close to the car," came the command, which sounded eerily like a chipmunk version of a recent conversation. "And be careful not to smash me, I'm in your pocket."

Derby was a little bruised and dusty, but in his grip were still the white and black marbles, which he clutched now as if they were the keys to the cabinet holding the ruby slippers. After he deposited them safely in his pants pocket, he began to explore his other pouches on his clothing to locate the source of the squeeky voice.

"Shirt pocket, Derb," said the voice. "Careful, I'm a little slimy."

Reaching gingerly into his shirt pocket, Derby found the slippery goober of a being which was directing him in guerilla reconnaissance.

"Hey there," said the worm, to the monster nose and face which stared at it in disbelief. "Fredalnte Muscovito, at your service!"

"You're a worm!," exclaimed Derby, who would have demanded even more explanation if it wasn't for the electrical warfare that was blowing holes in everything within a fifty meter radius.

"Sort of correct," answered the inched-up gummy goober. "Remember those steamy strands of rubber bands you saw in the cavity of my former noggin? Well, Voila! I try not to let a little inconvenience of deadly ray gun zapper bolts to ruin my day. Now Eat Me."

"Well screw you too," said Derby, thinking Fredalnte was being indignant.

"No. I mean, Eat me. Like really eat me," ordered the talking slippery smelly buggar of a dirt worm. "Then we'll finish up the lesson about how all this accumulated Yang energy has got the whole ball of Earth dangling by the last straw of the camel's back, just this side of the eye of the needle."

"Slow down there, Mr. Goobie Worm," said Derby to the less attractive Fredalnte. "One step at a time there little fella. Let's start with this whole Eat Me concept. Sniffing you is bad enough at the moment. Eating you? Out of the question!"

"Over the teeth and through the gums, look out Derby tum tum, here I come!," joked Freddie the inch worm.

"You're not going over the teeth, nor anywhere near a periodontal treatment of my gums!," demanded Derby, who was winding up as if to throw the winning pitch at the World Series. "Now think of another way to help me or you're out of here, Worm Bag."

"Shereeeee!," whistled the slimy crawler, "Hold the presses! For one thing there are other worms from where I come from and for the second thing, I'm your way to safety. I know who is firing the lightning bolts. You throw me away and you're throwing your life away slugger! Now Eat Me or be damned!"

"OK Mister smarty pants," said Derby the professor to the wiggly night crawler, "Whom or what is firing the electrical storm and why are they trying to kill me?"

"It is a they and we call them False Yin," spoke the worm.  "It is sort of like a political action committee for the 71 monsters who run the world. They masquerade as the Divine Feminine to infiltrate the consciousness of progressive warriors. Once they've managed to steal the hearts and minds of men (and women) they become the strong arm for EYF. Very nasty group."

"EYF?," asked Derby simply.

"Excess Yang Foundation," answered the stretchy megadrile.

"Sounds ridiculous to me," Derby replied. "I think we should find another way to move for......," and before he could finish the sentence, the remains of the limousine lit up like an xray machine made of Kryptonite and then vanished, leaving Derby exposed to the war zone and a thousand rays of light.

"Gulp," was the sound of the worm being swallowed. "Damn worm better know his shit," Derby thought as the disgusting, slimy, Fred worm mucus coated his throat, gagging him to just South of Spewville.

"Can you hear me now?" said a voice from somewhere inside himself.

"Good," came the reply from the same source.

Chapter Fifty Three. Finding Higher Ground

Finding Higher Ground

"Yes! I hear you! Now stop asking that. It is annoying!," demanded Derby to the worm voice in his head.

Flashes of violent explosions were narrowly missing Derby as he was crawling along the ground, searching for cover.

"OK, but if we get a bad connection, you'll let me know?," asked the Fredalnte from within.

"How can we get a bad connection?," required Derby. "You're living in my inner ear! Now get us out of here!"

Dirt and debris would sting as blasts would bomb the ground around him, but Derby tried to focus on the instructions.

"You'll see," said the voice. "It's much like tuning a radio. Your receptors must be turned on. When I'm not talking to you, it isn't that I've disappeared. It will be that you are "looking" elsewhere for things to occupy your mind."

"OK," agreed Derby. "I'm listening. But I feel like time is running out! I felt that last explosion. Where are these blasts coming from?"

People were frantic and chaos surrounded him. Derby's knees and hands were bleeding.

"Listen to me carefully Derby," came the instructions. "Turn over so that you're facing up. Close your eyes and locate your inner peace."

"What the fuck are you talking about?," Derby screamed.  "Inner peace?!!! Fuck that. People are dying here!"

"Until you can regain calm," came the reply. "Your own muscles will be at war with you. Until you are able to be undisturbed by the mountain exploding in front of you, you will be the source of all your difficulty."

Just then the mountain in front of him exploded. Derby sprung to his feet and starting running in circles, cackling and crying like a two year old who just lost his mommy.

"Do you hear me now?," asked the voice calmly.

"For Christ's sake! I asked you to stop saying that!," said Derby frantically. "Oh Jesus. I'm dead."

"If you really think it is useless," came the mellow voice. "then lay down. Like you said. You're dead anyway. What have you got to lose?"

Derby switched off the voice and dashed behind another bombed out vehicle. Two children, a boy and girl were crying on the ground next to him. Their faces and arms were smudged with crusted dirt and mud. Their clothing was in shreds and they were nestled so close together that Derby couldn't tell their gender.

He measured the circumstance and decided to try to help them.

"Kids. Do you speak any English?," he asked them.

One of the children, the older one looked up. He still held his arm around the other one who now appeared to be his younger sister. "Whauu ees hoppenin?," the young Asian asked. "Ees dis de in of au wourl?"

Since he had "turned off" the switch to Fred's inner voice, Derby was back on autopilot. But something told him to care for these children.

"No, no," Derby assured the older of the two. "Our world is not ending. This is just a very violent electrical storm. I need you to do what I tell you now, OK my young friend?"

Derby plugged into something else inside himself and his own voice surprised him as he continued to instruct the child. "To save your sister, and yourself, you must do exactly as I say. Will you do that?"

Blasts were lacerating the ground at the edges of the vehicle. Occasionally, the ping of a ricochet would fracture a part of the vehicle and rubble would stab their ears and neck.

"Lay down and think of a safe place. Think of a happy place you've been," Derby explained. Then a thought occurred to him. "Where are your parents. Have they been hurt?," he asked.

"No. We doan know. We out heaa pwaying. Pwaying wif de bauuu," the boy continued to speak in chopped English, but Derby remembered the marbles in his pocket when the boy mentioned the ball. The boy continued as Derby reached for the white and black marble.

"Den ouwa bauuu. It expwode. Like BAM," continued the lad. "Den awww helwol bweak woos. Den you come an help us."

As Derby rubbed the marbles together, he heard a voice say. "Know the male but keep to the female."

Without understanding the significance of this message, Derby felt a nurturing essence relax him. He felt a cool stillness and he heard himself saying, "Yes, I've come to help you. We're leaving here right now."

As he said those words he gathered up the children as if they were two small bags of groceries. With lightning speed his legs carried them all through the mine field of explosions and over pot holes. The crackling blasts were following him, though the flash of Derby himself was a force of nature.

Derby was running low to the ground, but at such great speed that the bolts of energy seemed to fade behind him. As they ran out of the war zone, there was no longer bombing going on where previously it had been concentrated. Now there was only the firestorm on his trail, but each blast was landing short.

Soon the three seemed to be out of danger. Derby looked around and realized he was in a park. Other families were there, oblivious that a skirmish had just occurred nearby, and tragically, ruins and suffering had been left behind.

"Kids," Derby said as he set them down on the side of a tree. "You're ok now. Someone here will help you find your parents."

In his hands, which seemed to be soaked with cold water, the marbles were still held firmly.

"Fred," Derby said to anyone who was listening. "Can you hear me now?"

Chapter Fifty Four. We're going to Disneyland!

We're going to Disneyland!

"Yes, I hear you fine my boy," said Fred from inside somewhere (Derby  wasn't sure where). "I told you, if you didn't hear me, it wouldn't be because I wasn't here, but because you were choosing to occupy your mind with other things."

"That was intense!," said Derby, speaking outloud as if he was sitting with a friend.

As he walked along talking, a few people in the park cast glances and wondered to whom he was talking.

"I'm here with Shrinegold Derby," said the internal voice. "And some other friends. I'm in your head. Shrinegold is in your lungs."

"That's weird," said Derby as he walked along, going to...he knew not where.

"Yes, I knew you'd think so," said Fred. "There's also Phylochlor, Aqua, Gronjohn and Moola. Say hello."

"Hello everyone!," Derby greeted the invisible beings inside his body.

There was a tug in his chest and he felt as if he would have to cough, when he recognized the familiar voice of Shrinegold. "Greetings Master Ripley!," said Shrinegold from inside his lungs. "Can you taste me?"

Smacking his tongue and lips, Derby noticed a metalic flavor. "Yes!," he said. "Tastes like tin or copper!"

"We have some work to do," said Shrinegold. "When we're done with you, you'll know my flavor as pure gold!"

"Hello my precious love," said a cool sweet voice from his back. "I'm Aqua. Jeninqua sprung from me. I'm also water, pure Yin and am in your kidneys. I'm married to Gronjohn, who lives in your heart. Say hello husband."

A deep voice, which sounded so familiar it scared Derby. The voice bellowed from the center of Derby's chest, and his whole body reverberated, as if a ripple rolled out through his body, as if a rock had been thrown into a lake.

"Derby, I am your heart center," said the deep, mellow voice.  "My name is Gronjohn. I'm fire and burn as the sun to all your body organs. I'm pure Yang. When you learn to follow the figure eight of the universe, you'll discover that I begin where the tips of the universe ends."

"Woe," said Derby as he tried to wrap his mind around that thought. As Derby went into his own head (using his intellect to visually imagine the concept Gronjohn had described), he found himself imagining a peaceful park-like setting.  In his mind, he bumped into Fred, who was leaning against a tree in Derby's mental picture of the peaceful setting.

"This is where you'll rest, after you work with each of your internal organs," said Fred, who was chewing on a piece of grass.

"What do you mean working with my internal organs?," asked Derby to Fred in his mind.

"Sit down," said Fred. "Now lie down and relax. Close your eyes and do as I say."

Derby found some soft grass and did as Fred had said.

"Relax, and continue to rest here with me," spoke Fred's hypnotic voice, which seemed to send Derby into a deep trance like state. "Notice the sun is shining and there is a crystal clear lake nearby. It is Springtime, and all the foiliage is in bloom and all is green and bright. Beneath your feet, worms are busy in the rich layers of humus. The bright sun glistens from the reflection of the nearby outcropping of the minerals, like you've seen in Umpa's lair."

"Yes," said Shrinegold from Derby's lung area. As Shrinegold spoke, Derby flinched a little, from the urge to cough, but he was reminded by Fred to rest and continue to relax in the peaceful setting. As he did so, he now was able to see Shrinegold from the mineral outcropping he pictured inside his head.

 "You're acquainted with me," continued Shrinegold. But less familiar with the others. Fred, please take Derby on the rounds!"

"OK, my boy," said Fred from the tree. "I'm leaning here on one of Phylochlor's fibrous outgrowths. Trees are ancient and deep spirits. Phylochlor has deep roots and all the living plants are connected to him. He is wood and lives in your liver. Come with me down into this region in your upper right abdominal area."

Derby let his mind accomodate the vision that allowed him to wander down, deep into his own body to his liver area.

"Phylochlor," continued Fred. "What can you do to help our boy be more at peace?"

"You've met my nephew, Tim Tum," said Phylochlor. "The grumpy tree spirit in Umpa's lair."

"Yes, I remember him. I accidentally spit on him," said Derby in his trance like state. "But it is hard for me to see you Phylochlor. I am searching for you in my liver. But there is a blank. I feel as if I'm in a hollow space."

"It will be easier for you to know me by seeing the green of me," spoke Phylochlor. "So let yourself be surrounded by the color green, in your mind's eye, my boy."

As Derby did so, he was able to recognize a life force from his liver area.

"You have a great deal of anger my lad," spoke Phylochlor. "I can help you with that. It is understandable that you're angry. Many things have happened. Bad things as well as many inconvenient hardships have befallen you. But you must let go of this anger. It causes you great illness!"

Derby choked back tears as he let himself face the anger he had been carrying at things and circumstances, people and tensions in his body. He felt a great relief as these burdens seemed to be lifted from him. He imagined them breaking into thousands of little fragments, dividing once, then again, and again, until they were too small to be felt. Tears ran from his eyes, but he found himself laughing uncontrollably.

"Thank you," Derby heard himself saying. He was't sure who he was thanking, but he felt as if he was hugging Fred, or someone inside himself.

"Thank you Derby," said Phylochlor. "We are so pleased to serve you. This is what we do. But most of the time, those we serve haven't learned to see us. We are the source of all your vitality. We have the power to heal you. There is a great deal of work to do. Illness builds up. Bit by bit we can irradicate disease from within your organs and tissue."

"Come back up here," said Fred, from his resting place against the tree in Derby's mind. "Rest with me now. You've been working harder than you know to remove that anger and to visualize Phylochlor in your liver. Rest now my boy."

Derby smiled to himself and in the place in his mind. He felt so utterly relaxed and happy. "Yes. Thank you Fred. Beautiful here isn't it?"

"Yes. Remember you can always come here to rest," said Fred joyfully. "By the way," he continued. "What we're doing as we rest here is keeping to the female. You're familiar with the expression aren't you?"

"Yes. It is how I mustered the ability to flee the firestorm and save the children," replied Derby, still in a trance.

"It is how a cat can leap high," said Fred. "When I explained that until you learned to relax, you would be at war with your muscles, you weren't able to do as I told you at the time. But when you found small children, your gentle spirit guided you and you found a deeper voice than my own within yourself."

"It is wonderful," Derby said, from a deep recess within himself, all his body tingling as if it were lit up and sparking within an electrical field.

"Now we'll continue," said Fred. Derby imagined taking Fred's hand, who then led him back down into his body. "From Phylochlor, we go to fire. You see, wood feeds fire doesn't it?"

Derby felt heat as he imagined putting logs on a fire. "We're going to the solar plexus of your body. This bright red center of the sun, your heart!"

Derby's eyes within his mind were blinded for a moment as he let himself go into his heart. It scared him for he was afraid he may be burned.

"No," warned Fred, who was standing next to Derby in his mind's eye. "You must relax and smile into your heart center. There is nothing but wellness waiting for you there."

Though the heat was intense and the redness was nearly blinding, Derby let himself relax and smiled into his heart.

"Welcome," said the deep voice of Gronjohn. "I rule all the organs and tissue of your body. But you are my employer. I'm totally at your service!"

"Oh thank you great spirit," said Derby, as he realized how much he appreciated all that his heart did for him. "I love you for what you do for me."

"You'll never know how much it means to me," said the bright red heat of Derby's heart, "to know you care about me. I can burn away things you do not know you harbor here," he said in a deep voice.

"Gronjohn can help you with some troubling emotions," said Fredalnte, who stood next to Derby's smiling self, within his heart center. "Let him help you do away with negativity and judgement. You have no need of these harmful emotions."

As Fred said those things, Derby felt the flame burn bright and he imagined all negative feelings and judgement burn up. Derby had especially been hard on himself. He had carried guilt and feelings of not being good enough. He also had judged others and was often sour and negative.

Again, he felt himself renewed with a lightness as these things disappeared from him.

"Thank you," he heard himself say again, as the tingle of a laugh tickled him from his heart center.

"Now come," said Fred, who took Derby by the hand again and led him back to the tree in his mind. "Put your fingers in the cool lake," said Fred. "You've worked very hard by the fire. Splash some water on your face and rest again with me here."

Derby felt himself fall deeply back into a perfect relaxing state. He was light and happy. "Yes, thank you Fred," he said as he put his hands behind his neck, laying back on the grass near the tree, in his mind. "Wow, this is fun!"

"Yes. Take it in," said Fred. "Rest deeply and soon we'll continue the work!"

After a few minutes leaning back and allowing himself the treat of basking in the shade of the tree, as if he were floating freely without a care, Fred said softly, "OK, back into your body we go!"

"Now the fire makes ashes," said the peaceful guide. "This is the Earth. Soil and all things that are matter. Money is related to what the fire makes. So we'll go meet Moola. He lives down in the spleen area, which leads to your digestive system. See how it works?"

Derby was getting the swing of things and allowing himself to see more freely within the tissue and organs of his body. "Yes, my digestive system will make waste, which is also matter and soil, correct?"

"Yes indeed my boy. Organic matter, fertilizer, all of it replenishes the Earth," explained Fredalnte. "So say hello to Moola. Moola, this is Derby...master Ripley, your employer."

"How great to meet you sir," said Moola from Derby's spleen area. "I know that when you're here, it is a region that it is difficult for you to smile into, because these regions are dark. People associate waste and elimination with ugliness. But actually, every bit of the inside of you is clean and flawless, except for disease."

"I see," said Derby, looking around in his spleen area, trying to smile, while holding his nose.

"There are no smells down here," said Fred, who recognized Derby's familiar reaction. Be at peace and let yourself smile here. See it as a yellow area. This is Earth. Tell Derby what he should be free of here Moola," he finished.

"What you hold in this area is worry," said Moola. "Sound familiar? Like ulcers or worrying about income? Makes sense doesn't it. You see, here is the place where matter is manufactured. But stop worrying. Smile here while you see yellow and release worry!"

Again, as was becoming the habit when Derby would follow the instructions of the other organs, he felt tears build up and a release as he let go of worry.

"Thank you," he said again, feeling himself even lighter than before.

"Oh thank you," said the yellow spirit. "It is such an honor to serve you sir. We live for you, so that you may live."

Derby felt his own spirit soar. He felt so thankful to get to know his own working system. He was slightly ashamed to have never stopped to take note of his very own parts of himself.

"Now come with me back to our lair," offered Fredalnte. Derby smiled with the thought, after enjoying Umpa's lair so much and now understanding that he had one of his own, always available to himself, simply by "keeping to the female."

"Rest here," said Fred, settling them both in the grass next to the tree.

Derby felt himself falling asleep. In fact he dreamed that he was home in Tiny Town and all was arranged peacefully and happily there. All were safe and contended. His ancestors seemed to celebrate his return. His father, who had died long ago was there. His grandparents and their parents and for generations back. Also great Indian spirits who Derby seemed to recognize from other dreams were celebrating with all this extended family. Derby's children, starting with Barbie, and grand children were grown and gathered about him. Derby was so happy and at peace.

"OK," came Fred's voice. "We go! Now Earth makes minerals. Compression and internal heat. All this is refinement. These are metals. You are well acquainted with Shrinegold. And you've already learned to find him in your lungs. Shrinegold, continue your teaching!"

"Hello my lad. You know me well already, don't you?," asked the great metal spirit.

"Yes," replied Derby easily. He was already smiling widely in the presence of the old familiar Spirit of the Vein.

"But you didn't know that I've already been helping you with sadness," spoke the voice from inside Derby's lungs. "Now breathe in and allow grief to escape. It is natural, especially in times of hardship and tragedy, to feel sad. Humans should easily allow their sadness to rise. To look at sadness is beautiful and necessary. But to hold on to it is very harmful and debilitating."

Derby felt himself fall to his knees. Not only in his mind's eye but physically he crumbled on the ground and curled up into a ball. He surprised himself when he heard himself sobbing. His cheeks were wet and the anguish poured out of him.

"Let it out my son," said Shrinegold. "Let it all go and be clean!"

As he did so Derby felt the urge to laugh again. He picked himself up and dried his cheeks. His spirit soared.

"Thank you. Thank you. I love you so Shrinegold," Derby said to the spirit in his lungs.

"It is I who love you sir," spoke the glowing golden vein. "I live to turn your base metal to gold. Very seldom am I able to take a human to the farthest extreme with this alchemy. But it is always the goal of my existence. I live to refine my employer to his ultimate potential!"

Derby shivered at the implications of this teaching. He knew what Fredalnte wanted him to do, so he automatically returned to the resting place and fell back deeply into the state of relaxation. This time he couldn't even remember what the dream was, but he knew that he escaped to another realm when he let himself fall far into the chasm of his relaxed mind.

"Our last visit is with the beautiful Aqua," spoke Fredalnte, of the queen of Derby's body. "As she explained, she is the wife and lover of  Gronjohn. She lives in your kidneys, at your back. Once again, say hello to Aqua."

"You know me more than you can imagine," said the sweet female voice. "Jeninqua is connected to me in ways you'll learn later. That is why you feel the pull of attraction to me my son. See blue, when you look at me, for I am water."

"Minerals make water and we've come full circle because water makes wood," explained Fredalnte. "You see how these five elements are related and cycle?"

"Yes!" Derby felt exhilirated and totally understood. "I see and it is wonderful!"

"Now tell him what to do Aqua," Fred prompted the queen of Derby's body.

"You hold fear in me," said Aqua. "Fear is the root to much illness and the cause of much suffering. It is also crippling and can nearly freeze you in the progress of your development. Now look at what you're afraid of and say goodbye to it!"

As he saw a beautiful color of blue, and felt the presence of the nurturing yin spirit of his kidneys, Derby released fear and watched it fly out of himself. He felt so confident and uplifted and light!

"Thank you. You are beautiful. I feel Jeninqua in you. I love you," Derby said to the rose of his body.

"My husband is my true love," said Aqua. "But linked to him, it is you we serve. You are the empire in which we dwell!"

"We've taken the tour of your five primary organs," said Fredalnte. Where would you like to go now?"

Derby thought about it. Then he smiled.

"Disneyland," said our athletic hero.

Chapter Fifty Five. Donny and Mark and Bears, Oh My

Donny and Mark and Bears, Oh My

Courteous Reader. You may need to go back some chapters to reacquaint yourself with people and places. Or you can just tickle these pages with a light tap dance, if you can find enough enjoyment by taking it as it comes and not requiring a totally complete puzzle.

But this character, Mark Sethlang, who required a ride home after a trip to Hong Kong and had provided a guitar case for Umpa's mouse to hitch a ride on...yeah, the blues man. Well, he was back in Hong Kong playing a gig at Hong Kong Disneyland.

You know, a lot of people have written about their disappointment in the Land of Mickey HK. It is much smaller, but man, what a deal, you know? Here was a cat who drew a mouse and from there changed Florida so drastically that the ecosystem of the world is now a whole different macrocosm.

If he'd lived to see it, I think old Walt would have been just fine with the Mouskateers resting their big ole head masks on some back room wall within the forbidden chambers of the Hong Kong theme park (you know it is a very big deal that the public can't ever see the catacombs of the alleys and biways for park employees...deep mystery and intrigue).

So after Derby got all good and cleaned out from the Inner Smile exercise that the worm version of Fredalnte guided him through, he felt good enough about life that he was resolved to go see Disney, Hong Kong style.

"I really don't think it is such a good idea," the voice in his head told Derby, when Derby flagged the first taxi cab he found.

"Look Fred," said Derby. "We've been through quite a lot. I miss the girls, Pam and Barbie. I'm sick with my forced detachment from them. I want to cut loose and go ride a ride and maybe find a Tinkerbell or Daffy Duck to flirt with."

"Oh, so you're totally off Jeninqua now are you?," asked the sly Fredalnte, from the tree park in Derby's mind.

"You said Eat You and I did. Now you live in my head. So behave yourself up there or I'll have to sedate you with alcohol or something even stronger," scolded Derby to the worm brain in his own brain.

"I just don't like the idea of a theme park," said the wise voice, while the taxi pulled away, the driver easily understanding Derby's English instructions to head to the Enchanted Forest. "What if something bad happens over there?"

"What could go wrong?," asked Derby confidently. "It is Disneyland!"

After paying the zillions of dollars to get in the park, and noticing that it is a much smaller version than both California and Disneyworld, Epcot, et al, Derby was drawn to the music of a single guitar playing, harmonica neck braced performer. When he got closer he realized it was Mark Sethlang!

Mark had his guitar case open and was strumming away. Lots of young Asian girls were gathered around, throwing their Yin Yuan in the case like it was water. Derby couldn't help but notice this one pair of girls who seemed to be intent on escorting Mark to somewhere after he closed up shop. But of course, the most startling discovery Derby made was that it was Mark playing!

"Mark!," awarded Derby to the blues singing entertainer, right in the middle of Mark's rendition of Star Track.

Derby's announcement caught Mark's eye, who winked as his mouth glided on the harmonica which was braced by the wire around his neck. Skillfully Mark managed to be able to strum, wail on the harp, acknowledge Derby and still charm the honey pies who were gathered around him like groupies at a Jim Morrison concert.

But more importantly than Mark's acknowledgment was the reaction of the pair of attractive young Asian women, who seemed to originally be preoccupied by some desire to stay glued to the blues man. Except now, they were speaking fast Mandarin and both dialing and logging minutes on their cell phones like a team of high tech system installers for Samsung or Apple.

Derby noticed the girls had diverted some of their attention toward him and actually, he was flattered and intrigued. He could tell that danger was lurking, but he still threw caution to the wind, come rain or shine, being slipped a Mickey or whatever new adventure was about to be sprung.

Donny Sideburns was also in the park, doing a disk jockey gig in the Hong Kong Disneyland Resort. You may recall that Donny has a confectionary business, dispensing sweet nothings to a ready audience of chocolate lovers. Amazingly, the park loud speaker system was broadcasting Donny's music and disc jockey chatter.

"Announcing the 40th Reunion of the Class of 71," came Donny's broadcast. "We may not fit, but one night will be reserved for a jam session at Big Rick's Dive. See you there Derby my man!"

Derby was flabbergasted by the announcement and tickled pink at the same time. Girls attending to him with what appeared to be some impending adventure and Donny speaking to him directly over loud speakers at Mickey's House in Hong Kong! "Wow, the ultimate," he thought to himself.

Sure enough, as soon as their calls were completed, the young ladies left hurriedly stage left. Snagglepuss couldn't be far behind. Stay tuned.