Chapter Eighteen. Bummer

A pervading darkness punctured the atmosphere and an ugly heaviness hung in the air. The "black crud" and ghoulish evil was thick upon the room. Umpa was able to attend the gathering of the "Scontandia"  without being seen.

Derby had only heard the name "Polish Police." Even though he thought he had made up the term for the Children of Zol, there was a reason for the imagery of a ruling power behind the scenes. Jeninqua told him to fear that power and that it was shadowing him so Derby's senses would be acute and on alert. But really the force which was operating as the power to eliminate him was the Scontandia. It was this power and this force which was all pervasive and thick as disgusting sludge in the room where Umpa was present.

Jade, the Ninja fighters were there, and even though they were human, and female, they had lost their Earthly sensibilities such as compassion and respect for others. After years as contractors for the Scontandia, their "good" roots had been severed, and all that remained was a brutish force of hatred and extreme martial fighting skill.

Umpa existed as vapor and his vibration was attuned beyond the abilities of the entities which were gathered to plan the remaining minutes of life for Derby and Jeninqua. The physical form of the Scontandia "bosses" was strangely "other worldly." They seemed to occupy space and were clothed with a black material similar to the Jade fighting attire, but their presence would crackle and steam as if they were a combination of electricity and gas.

"Use the blunt end of the rifle and bludgeon the female. Be careful not to rip her skin! Beat her entire body mercilessly and make sure you hold the human so that he watches every moment of violence."

"Yes Lord," said the lead Ninja fighter. She appeared to be held in a trance of loyalty to the Scontandia chief.

"Use extreme care to pound her flesh until you have reduced her to a limp mound of lifeless matter. You will see the sign of her destruction when thick mucus like liquid is excreted from her ears, eyes, nose and mouth. The human will cry and ache by the sight her demise."

"Of course Lord. We will follow your instructions precisely."

The leader of the Scontandia continued, "This human Derby man--he is weak and stupid. He will struggle and weap. Continue to stab him and brutalize him in every way, during and after the beating of the female. Inflict severe pain constantly to his groin and head. Stab him repeatedly at the same time and aim the slicer where the agony will be the greatest. For instance under his finger nails, on the tips of his fingers, his tongue, his eye lids. With him you shouldn't worry about blood.

After you have eliminated the female and you have extracted the pleas for mercy from the stupid human man, at that point I want you all to divert your entire energy to his pain and agony. Go slow and be methodical. Have fun with it.

This brought a smile to the fighter's face, even though shielded from view by her mask.

"Yes Father. We will enjoy every moment!"

Umpa was not smiling in his being. He feared that Jeninqua had not received enough life lessons to protect Derby. Umpa felt slightly helpless but he rushed away to see if he could exercise any influence in the dungeon cell where Jeninqua was preparing Derby for the next episode of his tragic life.

Chapter Nineteen. White Marble

White Marble

"There's no way this cockroach wing will cut your skin!," Derby exclaimed, as he tried repeatedly to follow Jeninqua's instructions to cut her head off.

"You must find the razor's edge within yourself. That is key. Without that, you may as well be trying to cut a diamond with butter." Jeninqua sat patiently, exposing her neck, as if for the vampire.

"I can't find a razor's edge inside myself! I only see fear and desperation when I look in there!" Derby was shaking and felt helpless and scared.

Upstairs, the Ninja team and Scontandia ghouls were marching toward the cellar prison cell, with visions of death and destruction leading their conviction.

"Remember," said the head Ninja female. "With the blunt end of the rifle, bludgeon the woman but be very careful not to rip her skin. She will escape our wrath if any light from inside of her is exposed. Instead, their white magic will foil our plans!"

Umpa came sliding into the bad guys as if he was meteor re-materializing into the atmosphere and the Ninja were all bowling pins. The head Ninja had avoided the collision and leaped into the air as if rebounding from a trampoline. Her legs wrapped around his neck and her arms were firing like pistons.

Umpa's mighty jaw withstood the beating for the first few seconds but finally he succumbed to the squeezing of her legs around his throat and the rapid punching of her hard fists to his head. By the time the Ninja Banshi had brought Umpa to the pavement, the other fighters had regrouped and had gathered around the fallen Buddha and were kicking him and punching, some using their rifles and bayonets.

Back downstairs in the cell, Derby was still trying to slice through Jeninqua's lovely thick neck with the fragile fragment of a bug's back. "Jeninqua. Please. There must be another way! A piece of glass, a sharp rock. Something! Or perhaps another plan altogether! Perhaps we can overcome them when they arrive. Yes, we can surprise them!"

Jeninqua composed herself and seemed to descend into a trance-like frame of mind. Her voice was soft and deep. "If your skill was refined, you could cut off an elephants tusk with air alone, simply by accessing the sharp edge of your internal power."

She paused and took a few deep breaths. Then Jeninqua continued teaching Derby in the fine art of slicing off the head of a fairy tale princess..."First you must become calm. Find the spherical center of peace near your abdomen. Imagine coming upon a very sharp edge and stopping yourself just before being cut by accident."

Derby seemed to follow her instructions and his breathing changed as he gathered his composure. Jeninqua continued, "Now attach yourself to this edge and see yourself carrying it from inside to out, so that you transfer that cutting razor out through your fingertips and into the wing of the cockroach."

Umpa lay fighting for breath, abandoned in the upstairs corridor and the evil fighting force was just outside the dungeon cell.

After the door openend and the whole force of black sludge came rushing in with rifles raised, there was the dull pounding sound as the butts of the rifles smashed and crushed the skull of the female wizard. Blow after blow beat her mercilessly..."wait," thought the head Ninja as she imagined those moves, "this will result in cuts around the eyes and mouth, which will rip her skin." Such had been the fantasy of the evil Ninja.

So the fighting leader developed a different plan..."After we throw open the door, we'll assemble around the woman and hold her down. We'll aim our rifle butts at her stomach and legs, being careful to pound her like meat on a hook, without breaking her skin! This will be a blast! We'll beat the hell out of her like there is no tomorrow and make the pathetic human watch and squirm!"

Inside the cell, a swirling hurricane of activity was swarming around the open neck hole of beautiful Jeninqua. Her head layed against the wall and from her eyes a blinding light poured out like laser beams. Derby found himself sucked into spinning air and light and electricity and suddenly he was somewhere else.

"Where are they?!"





The Scontandia force was dumbfounded. They had roared into the cell with rifles raised and ready to strike but there was no sign of either Jeninqua or Derby. A plain white marble rocked back and forth with just a hint of one last vibration, laying there at their feet.

Chapter Twenty. Fancy Meeting You Here!

Fancy Meeting You Here!

"Wow," Derby said to himself as he walked outside along the picturesque trail. "This is a nice change. I wonder where I am?"

"Hello Mister," said a little voice. "I've got a big brother named Rumper. He can jump over a fence and he has twelve girl friends!"

Derby looked around to find the source of the cute voice. He found his new friend at the foot of the hedge, which lined the trail with a winding, waist-high natural fence. The voice was coming from a baby bunny, which stopped intermittently to nibble on low hanging berries which dangled from the hedge row.

"I like the fat ones, don't you? Mommy says if I eat too many of them I'll turn into a Goober Pie and be served at a banquet for the Queen. Do you think it would be fun to be served at a banquet? I do!"

Derby was delighted for the change of scenery and didn't stop to consider how he arrived at such a merry place. He dived right into the conversation with his new rabbit friend.

"Well, let's see. You've got a brother named Rumper and you like Goober berries and you think you'd like to be eaten by the queen. All of that makes you a very interesting little bunny. What is your name, my floppy-eared friend?"

"My name is Kinko. I'm the youngest of twenty seven. I've got lots of brothers and sisters and about a million cousins. Plus I've got lots of friends. Do you have many friends Mister? You've got a big nose."

This made Derby laugh. "Well Kinko, it is very nice to know you! And you're right, my nose is a little big for my head. I've got small fingers though. Don't you think?"

"My mommy says that I shouldn't talk to strangers. Especially ugly ones with big noses. Bye!"

And off little Kinko bounced, into the hedge and out of sight. So Derby decided to continue down the trail, to see what other happy adventures awaited, along this charming "Springtime" setting.

Soon, the rippling sound of a nearby stream attracted Derby's attention. He noticed an old wire fence was hidden by the hedge row and he managed to climb over it in search for the creek which beckoned him.

"Glop. Bloop. Watch your step. Gurgle. Plop. You're mighty high out there. Are you a monster?"

Again, Derby was caught off-guard by the sound of someone who seemed to be addressing him. But he wasn't quite sure from where the voice eminated. The sounds of bubbles and gurgling continued...

"Never met a fish I didn't like. Flop, blobber, slurp. Yes sir, fond of fish. Sure am. Fish and flying bugs. Love em both. Goo-gurgle-glop."

The splash alerted Derby and brought his attention to the shallow water near the bank. It was in those waters he noticed the scaly and glistening fish he was now engaged with. To his knowledge, he had never talked with a fish before.

"How do you do Mr. Fish. A fine day to you," said Derby while offering a slight bow to the wiggling swimmer.

"Watch your step there Monster. Glip-glop. Wouldn't want to get your shoes wet. Ever meet a fish you didn't like? Don't think so! Fish and flying bugs. Good as worms. Blub-glub. Sure do like fish. Monsters, not so much. Bye!"

With those last words, the little shining creature splashed the surface as it wiggled its tail and swam away.

"My my," Derby thought to himself. "Sure are lots of friendly animals here." With that he reached up to grab a branch on a nearby tree, and he was struck by the comfort of the sunshine which was filtered by the tree leaves.

"Sunshine, water, trees and grass, a charming trail and beasts with the gift of gab. All the things which seem to bring me perfect serenity," Derby thought to himself, feeling as if he didn't have a care in the world. As he noticed himself start to whistle a tune, a bright reflection of something in the woods attracted his gaze.

Through the thicket of thorny vines and brush he found himself pulled along to an "out-cropping" of sparkling minerals, imbedded in some rocks protruding from the earth.

"Hello Mr. Ripley!," said a voice of distinction. "Welcome to Umpa's Lair. We are Shrinegold, the Spirit of the Vein. At your service! Please sit, there, on the stump, and tell us you are well."

This time Derby didn't have a face or mouth to talk back to. The eloquent speaker was somewhere else, but seemed to be coming from the general direction of the glistening minerals and rocks, which broke the surface of the clearing, and reflected the light of the sun.

"Thank you Shrinegold. Are you the rocks and minerals which shine so majestically, here in the woods?," asked Derby, somewhat at a loss for not knowing who to reply back to.

"We are the Spirit of the minerals. We are the energy in gold, the luminosity of silver, the strength in steel, the healing power of zinc. You may say we are the lungs of the great Earth Spirit. Earth yields to us and we yield to water. We're incorruptible and pure, the source of illumination to all mind. Our elixir enlightens all living beings. Look for us now within your own lungs. Pause now to be rid of your sadness."

As the rock spirit spoke to Derby and suggested that he allow grief to be released from within his lung area, he, uncontrollably, coughed up a hard golf ball-sized mix of phlegm and muccus, which he spit out with an energetic, "Phew!" into the woods.

He felt instant relief, even though he hadn't noticed that he was storing any sadness at the moment. But as his spit smacked the trunk of a nearby tree, he was surprised to hear the ricochet of the splatter in the form of an angry reply.

"Hey, watch where you hawk your wad there bud. These are my woods!," said the disturbed voice of the wood.

"Relax Tim Tum," said the rock spirit. "This is Derby, the Father of Zol. We're honored to have him visit us. Please show him some respect!"

"Well OK then," spoke the tree man, "but he needs to practice his aim with that grief spill. That is some nasty stuff!"

The mellow and refined voice of Shrinegold seemed to extend from the wealth of all knowledge and further explained to Derby, "Mr. Ripley. Tim Tum is just one of the tips of the mighty root. He is wood. Water yields to wood. And he himself yields to the mighty fire. All that is green and flowers descends from his root. Tim Tum and his family are mighty warriors and his Spirit is very ancient. You will learn much from him."

"Well here you are!," the familiar voice echoed in the woods, and seemed to enhance the setting with a layer of peaceful resolve. Derby turned to see Umpa approaching the clearing, sporting a wide smile and a twinkle in his eyes.

Chapter Twenty One. Fifty Questions

Fifty Questions

Umpa came rambling into the clearing with the same ease as Derby had originally witnessed, above the laundry. Again, his shirt was open, with large belly protruding, wearing wrinkled shorts and flip flops. Derby had no knowledge of the fight Umpa had given the Ninja or of the mean spirited instructions by the Scontandia chief. In the most jovial style Derby could imagine, Umpa continued to welcome him--

"My dear Ripley! So good of you to come. Welcome!"

Having just released grief which he hadn't realized he had held inside himself, Derby had no limitation to his gladness. His smile was automatic and genuine. He was authentically glad to be in the woods with the laughing Buddha.

"Thank you Umpa! I'm delighted to be here!"

Umpa quizzed him, "Where do you think you are?"

"Why, I'm in your lair, engaged with the spirits of the wood and Earth!," replied Derby.

"And so you are my friend. How do you suppose you came to be here?," further questioned the fat man.

"Well," started Derby slowly, "I'm not exactly sure. Either I'm dreaming or I'm here due to some magic from Jeninqua"...(he paused slightly with a thought)..."who I've become quite fond of, by the way."

Umpa continued to bait the conversation. "What kind of magic is this then, that can deliver you from danger and desperation to a Springtime glenn?"

"Ha!," resounded Derby. "That is for you to tell me! Since I suspect you are behind the mystery!," he finished.

"Behind the mystery?," tested Umpa. "Behind?," again he questioned and this time he looked over his shoulder and down, as if he were looking for something behind him. "Do you like it when someone sneaks behind you with surprises my friend?"

"I don't mean any disrespect Umpa. I believe Opie was telling the truth, that you have power of wizardry and you know how to use it. What I meant when I said you were behind all of this is that you have controlled it," said Derby, showing great humility and caution.

"You are a man of intellect Mr. Ripley...a man of logic and a student of history. You're no small child, nor are you naive," insisted Umpa. "Give me your account. Take a "stab" at what has occurred."

Derby squinted and flinched slightly at Umpa's request. He fidgeted and shuffled his foot on the leaves beneath him. Then he spoke quietly.

"I remember feeling helpless and scared. I was cold and very soar. My body ached. My arm had been dislocated and my testicles were swollen and bruised. My jaw seemed to have been broken and perhaps my nose also. My cheek had been badly cut and I probably had suffered a broken rib or two."

"Continue," urged Umpa.

Derby sat reflective, struggling with one particular memory.

"In spite of all this agony and fear, I was captivated by the thought of Jeninqua. She was ragged and torn, nearly naked. She seemed fragile to the extreme and dirty. And yet she seemed light and fragrant like a delicate flower in full bloom."

As he spoke Derby seemed to acquire more momentum.

"And what else do you remember?," further prompted Umpa.

"She wanted me to remove her whole head!," blurted Derby.

"How did this make you feel," asked Umpa.

"Surprisingly," said Derby, "not as bad as you might guess. I instinctively understood that this would not hurt her but help US!" Derby acted surprised to hear himself say these things.

"Why do you suppose you felt as if there was no danger or tragedy by her suggestion?," Umpa continued to probe.

"Well," replied Derby, "I had seen Fredalnte tear open her abdomen which opened up some amazing light from within her. From that, a white marble was produced. So when she explained that I had to remove her head, I thought it was for some similar purpose."

This time Derby seemed to be self satisfied, as if things were making sense.

"And this time she asked you to remove her head?," questioned Umpa like a court room attorney. "Is this possible? Do you think this happened?"

"I'm here aren't I," asked Derby, as if that were proof enough.

"Are you?," quizzed Umpa.

"Am I what?," asked Derby.

"Here," answered Umpa. "Here my boy. Are you here?"

As he asked the question again, Umpa opened his hand to show Derby what he was holding. It was a black marble.

Chapter Twenty Two. Flight of Fancy

Flight of Fancy

Back in the dungeon, the Scontandia were flabbergasted by the disappearance of Derby and Jeninqua.

"How have you let them escape?," questioned the chief to the head fighter of Jade.

"We've done nothing Lord," replied the black enrobed Ninja. "There was...there is no exit. It is impossible."


"Had you been careful with her skin? If the slightest rip...even a small cut perhaps, and a wormhole can open. Yes," continued the chief, who seemed to be the creeping embodiment of evil, as he stooped and picked up the white marble, "they're in another world now."


In Umpa's Lair Derby stared at the black marble in the hand of the questioning Buddha. He sensed Jeninqua's presence but he was confused.


"Ah, the black marble!," exclaimed Derby. "You don't happen to have a white mouse in your pocket do you?"


This brought a wide smile to Umpa. "And why do you ask about a rodent? Don't you know that a black marble in the hand is worth two mice in the bush?"


As Umpa continued to tease Derby with riddles, he opened his other hand, which Derby perceived as empty. The fat man leaned into the empty hand and blew a soft breath across it and up into Derby's face.


To Derby it felt as if a gentle and subtle energy sprinkled over him and then he felt the soft touch on his shoulder of a familiar hand. From behind him he heard Jeninqua ask, "Miss me?"


Derby was filled with happiness. Excited, he turned to lay eyes on the mysterious woman who had strangely come to occupy so much space in his mind. She had returned to health and was dressed simply in a hand sewn frock, accented with ribbons. She had a fresh bouquet of white and lavendar to pale-blue flowers in her hair, held in place by her left ear.


As our adventure bound hero swallowed her whole with his measure, it was her smile which utterly rendered him helpless. She seemed to be the picture of innocence and purity. 


"Jeninqua," said Derby excitedly. "You're here!"


"Is she?," interrupted Umpa, again seeming to be holding a secret he wanted to share.


"Of course she is Rabbi!," said Derby to his adopted teacher of the wood. "She's here in the flesh!"


"Interesting that you mention flesh, Ripley my boy," continued the host of the glenn. "Speaking of flesh--have you noticed how your own skin fits you so well?"

"More riddles?," asked Derby, determined not to let the moment of the happy reunion be tarnished by a complicated math lesson.

"Derby," prompted Umpa. "When Howard the driver brought you to the square...What had he explained  was the celebration?"

"He said it was the Festival of the Red Dragon," answered Derby easily.

"Yes," confirmed the smiling teacher. "And what was the theme of the costumes and decorations? Wasn't it all to celebrate the Red Dragon?"

"Why yes it was!," agreed Derby, "and Opie said YOU are the Red Dragon Umpa!" With this Derby seemed intrigued by the new line of questions. "Are you?"


"Am I what?," asked Umpa.


"The RED DRAGON!," exclaimed Derby.


With that, at a speed which surprised Derby, Umpa flipped the black marble into Derby's mouth. It seemed to chip his tooth going in, in the reverse of how he remembered it felt when originally Fredalnte had coaxed the black marble out of him with the swift punch to his stomach, back in the Peninsula Hotel.


Unable to stop it from finding its way to his gut, Derby swallowed and felt the smooth black ball descend his throat. It seemed to land with a splash in the general area of his belly. He gulped and suddenly there erupted a slight explosion as if baking soda had been added to vinegar.


"Hey!," protested Derby. "Can't we just enjoy this chapter without more shenanigans?," he asked, as if he was writing a story as he went along.


But poor Derby wasn't able to wax philosophical for long because a new disturbance was getting his attention in his pants. It felt as if someone had put a monkey or a cat in his underwear. And the animal wanted out!


Slightly embarrassed to do so in front of Jeninqua, but feeling as if he had no choice, Derby pulled down his britches to see what in the world had landed in his sexual region.


Totally out of his control, but oddly connected to him, a scaly red dragon came bursting out of his pants.


"My God man," shouted Derby to Umpa. "What have you done to me now?!!!"


The appendage seemed to be growing and was attached to our bewildered victim, where he once had a much smaller organ.


"Holy Shit, it's my d....," started Derby, surprised, before being interrupted again by the Wizard of Oats.


"Hope you enjoy the ride," is all Umpa said.


And before he could attempt to put his new package back in his trunk, the snapping, slinking red dragon, which seemed to have a mind of its own, was pulling Derby along. Even though he tried to plant his heels to stop it, the dragon took flight with poor Derby dangling like the tail of a kite.


Swooping, soaring, plunging and soaring some more, Derby had a new appreciation for that old Peter Dragon story. Flailing his arms and legs helplessly behind, our hero was now the co-pilot to a junior associate, formerly known as penis. 

Chapter Twenty Three. Ride'm Cowboy

Ride'm Cowboy

The take-off and first few minutes were excruciating. Just imagine what it would feel like to be hung upside down by a body part...especially that body part! Derby wasn't prepared for the experience of having a dragon literally sling him through the air, with what seemed like the "greatest of ease." It was anything but easy for Derby, who fought it until he finally decided to "join" the flight instead of resisting it.

Our aerial acrobat discovered that by grabbing the dragon's body as if he were holding a reptilian rocket attached to his pubic area, the aerondynamics of the pair (technically, they were one entity, except Derby's rocket, previously in his pocket, seemed to be currently in charge) became sleek and fluid.

He actually was enjoying the flight now and Derby found the swooping and climb and plunging again to be exhilirating. As he held on to his red throbbing dragon he found that he could control the maneuvers. Sometimes the dragon seemed to be "at the controls," and sometimes Derby thought he was. Both versions were exciting with the wind at his face and an amazing power extending from his loins.

From high in the sky, through tree limbs and forest canopy Derby was able to see the clearing below where Umpa and Jeninqua were looking up at the flying circus act of a man and his...dragon. With the precision of a fighter pilot, Derby delicately finessed the body of the dragon to turn and swoop toward the clearing.

The plunge took his breath away but he had no fear of danger. The man could fly!

As Derby and his dragon swept down into the clearing, he aimed the dragon's head point blank at Jeninqua's spread legs. "Swoosh," and Jeninqua was face to face with Derby with her arms around his waste, held tight against him, with a warm throbbing dragon pulsing in her most sensitive region.

With speed of a falcon and the agility of a cheetah, Derby's red dragon sliced through the dusk night like a dolphin at play in crystal clear waters. Jeninqua and Derby were pressed up against each other like lovers swept away with abandon, both keenly aware of the touch and ramifications of the throbbing beast between her legs.

Derby felt her breath on his cheek and Jeninqua recognized his trembling as if he were a boy on his first virgin adventure.

"Derby," said Jeninqua delicately. "Don't go too fast. Take your time."

The captain pointed the ship skyward, erect and straight. He held Jeninqua at the waist and felt her arch her back. He punched the dragon to lunge at full speed toward the night sky.

He wasn't sure where it would lead but Derby decided he was going to fully explore the test flight.

Chapter Twenty Four. "I Need You In Me"

"I Need You In Me"

"Are you ok?," Derby asked Jeninqua, not quite knowing what else to say under the circumstances.

Jeninqua's legs and arms were wrapped around Derby and his arms were around her. Derby's legs were in the saddle position around the dragon and the pair were slightly at a tilt to compensate for the speed of the flight.

"I'm fine darling," said Jeninqua sweetly. "How about you? Are you alright?," she asked.

Derby was speaking in a loud whisper because of the wind pressure, but his mouth was just inches from her ear. "Yes," he assured her, "I'm very fine thank you. Do you like my dragon? I mean...is it alright for you?"

"Oh Derby. Yes, I love your dragon. But please be gentle with that thing!," cautioned Jeninqua. "I hope you're wearing protection..."

The idea absolutely dumbfounded the Derb Meister. "My heavens whatever do you mean?," he asked.

"Against the wind in your face," she explained, and then continued. "I can't see a thing except for what is behind us. You know it is strange not seeing a tail on this thing. This beast!," she finished.

"You're telling me," assured Derby. "I hope you two have some more magic up your sleeve or I'm going to need a size reduction operation!"

"Haha," laughed Jeninqua, and then very quietly she whispered in his ear. "Derby, what do you remember about leaving the cell?"

"Ah, thank you," said Derby, as if he was relieved to have this conversation. "Well," he started, "I remember the thud of your head and laser beams shooting out of your eyes. Totally freaked me. Then I remember this swirling energy encircling us. It was a loud wind tunnel."

He stopped to maneuver the dragon because they had flown past some foot hills and were climbing above some mountain peaks. "Jeez, would you look at that?!," said Derby looking down at a mountain pass and a lake below. Never thought my...well, er, what I had before I had a dragon...never thought it would bring me to such heights. Is it ok for you?"

"Yes my dear," said Jeninqua and she slid her hands down his back and grasped his buttocks and pulled him closer. "Now finish telling me what you remember lover..."

"Oh Jeninqua. Be careful. You're going to make this thing point straight up again. Remember what goes up must come down!," said Derby, mistakenly thinking he was being clever.

"Yes Derbs," she stroked him. "Now tell me about the cell. What else do you remember?"

"Well I think it swallowed me. I got small or something. I sort of remember going into your neck," said Derby softly into her ear, while he squinted to himself, trying to make sense of what he was saying.

"So you came in me?," she asked coyly. "Came inside me? Rode the wind tunnel into me?"

"Why yes," affirmed Derby, surprised. "Why yes, I think I did. Did I?"

"Guess what Derby Head?," played Jeninqua with her puppet boy.

"What?," he asked, nervous about what new surprise she was going to lay on him.

"You're still in me. I needed you in me," she whispered with baited breath.

"No!," promised Derby. "I'm not. I mean I couldn't have! I mean...there's barely room for you in there. You're so tiny!"

"Don't worry big boy," teased Jeninqua. "You're not that big. Besides, it isn't what you think!"

"So enlighten me," said the captain of Dragon Flight #1. "How did you get us out of that Hell hole?"

"Well, don't freak on me. But we're sort of still there!," exclaimed Jeninqua in a louder whisper.

Derby had to focus. They had climbed very high and were soaring along the mountain ridge. He decided to come about and he pulled the neck of his mighty dragon appendage back hard to make a "U" turn. Jeninqua and Derby were smoothly sailing on his cylindrical sleigh, riding the night air like some strange streaking beast. If you would have looked up at them you wouldn't quite know what to make of it!

"What on Earth do you mean we're still there?," asked a bewildered dragon master. "We're shooting across a mountain top in some alternative universe! How the hell could we still be back in the dungeon of the ghouls?"

"Well, remember when I fell into a white marble back in the hotel and Fredalnte punched a black marble out of you?," asked Jeninqua.

"Yessssss," said Derby cautiously, not sure he was interested in the moral of the story.

"Well, we're still in the white marble, which is me. And you're in there too. We're both in there," she whispered to him.

Derby kicked the red dragon in the sides, and when he did so he flinched because he learned it was akin to having a dragon get caught in a zipper. "Get up," he said, as if he was sitting atop the Lone Ranger's Silver.

Jeninqua laid her head on Derby's shoulder and he pointed his rocket ship toward Umpa's Lair.

Chapter Twenty Five. And you'll find out...right after the break!

And you'll find out...right after the break!

Back at Umpa's Lair, Derby expressed his demands.

"First things first," he said after he landed and Jeninqua had climbed off his beast.

"I'm ready to go back to just little ole' me, if you don't mind," requested Derby firmly. "And Jeninqua quit stroaking that thing. It is hard to concentrate!"

"Well I'm just petting it," said Jeninqua apologetically as she scratched the chin of the dragon, who almost seemed to be purring. "I think he's cute!"

"Well stop it! Please," demanded Derby. "Enough is enough! And Umpa, would you mind regaining your title of Red Dragon so my own little lizard will fit back in my britches!" As the night wore on Derby seemed to be losing his sense of humor and good nature.

The dragon himself seemed to be in some sort of half-way state between a full fledged being and a confused pet connected to a person, like the front end of a Pegasus. Presently he was looking back at Derby like, "What next boss?"

"And you!," said Derby to the dragon. "Stop looking at me like that. It has been a pleasure flying with you but I've got to take a pee and the thought of using you in that way is not something I want to dwell on!"

"Jeninqua!," said Umpa, like a grandfather to a cherished granddaughter, "where are your manners? Feed the dragon!"

Jeninqua rounded the corner around the dragon with her hands on its neck like a female jockey handling a champion thoroughbred. The dragon's head seemed to swell with a huge smile, and with one powerful lunge of its mouth it swallowed her!

As the dragon raised its head to digest Derby's fantasy lady, like a snake swallowing a mouse, Derby's mouth fell open. "Now this is too weird! I've got a dragon for a d...(never mind), but anyway, my new middle leg just ate my girlfriend!," said Derby confused and frustrated.

"Umpa please. No more bizarre stunts. Dragon, you spit her out this minute!," exclaimed Derby, not knowing if he was going or coming.

"He can't spit her out," exclaimed Umpa. "Besides that, you're in control of your dragon, you just need to learn how to control your muscles!"

Suddenly Derby noticed he had an irresistable urge to cough and as he thought he was going to, he felt his dragon recoil as if it were a whip and he was going to snap it.

"Phew," blew the dragon. A speeding missile or blob of something shot out the end of the dragon. Bewildered, Derby tried to follow the bouncing object as it ricocheted off of trees and rocks. When it had come full circle and landed at his feet, Derby found he was staring down at a black marble. He also discovered he was no longer endowed like Quasimoto on Viagra, but was standing comfortably in his pants.

"I don't know whether to say excuse me or thank you or ouch or whoopie," confessed Derby, "but I'm glad..." and he stopped to hold open his trousers to sneak a peak, "yes...I'm glad my Chief of Staff has fallen back in formation and I can once again suffer the jokes about my little hands!"

After a few minutes of silence and a curious look from Umpa, Derby popped the question, "Where is Jeninqua?"

"Its complicated," began Umpa. He took a deep breath, and right after a message from our sponsor, dear reader, you'll learn what else he had to say about that.

Chapter Twenty Six. It's Complicated

It's Complicated

"Why is it complicated? It is a simple question," said Derby to a thoughtful Umpa. "Where is Jeninqua?," he asked again. "You told her to feed the dragon. She sacrificed herself to the big red lizard who swallowed her whole. My dragon Richard then huffed and puffed and blew out the black marble."

Derby's excitement level was elevating as he seemed a little hot under the collar. He continued. "I've been drugged, tricked, beat up, held as a prisoner in a dungeon, seduced, disfigured, been reduced to stubbed tail of a powerful dragon. Please, just give me a simple answer."

"If you want such a simple answer, then why do you write such a complicated story?," asked Umpa.

"I'm not writing anything," Derby assured the fat man. "There's already too much for people to read. Besides that, people don't really read anymore. They want to watch videos. They want distractions so they don't have to admit their addictions. And their distractions have become another addiction! So please don't insinuate that this adventure is one of my making!," blurted a frustrated Derby.

"And what about Zol?," prompted Umpa. "Was Zol an adventure of your making?"

"Zol was a story about a culture of people who had become addicted to their electronic devices!," answered Derby.

"Exactly!," replied Umpa. "And who was the hero?"

"Derby," affirmed the author.

"And who is Derby?," peppered the smiling Buddha.

At this Derby cooled off. He knew he was no match for his new teacher. Besides, he came to learn, not to argue.

"And the marbles?," asked Derby. "The black and white. They seem to change. One moment Jeninqua is a white marble but then she's a white mouse which had swallowed a black marble. And the energy of them in my hands," he continued to probe. "At one moment when I rub them together they generate heat which I wasn't able to tolerate. Then another time they were cool and made my hands feel as if they were submerged in a spring of fresh running water."

"Shall we take this one step at a time dear boy?," asked Umpa lovingly.

"Yes," agreed Derby. "What happened to Jeninqua?"

"She and you are still in the white marble with Scontandia and Jade," said Umpa simply.

"Then why do I seem to be here, in your delightful forest sanctuary?," asked Derby.

"You are not confined to your body my boy. Did you think you were your body?," taught Umpa. "I assure you that you are not a body of flesh and blood, but that you sometimes occupy that beautiful body. You chose your body. You've manifested your body. Your body is you. But you are not your body."

"I am not contained between my hat and boots!," quoted Derby from Whitman.

"Exactly!," confirmed Umpa. The robust teacher continued. "Now Jeninqua. She's different. But we need to go slowly into this part of the story. This is where things get complicated. But let me tell you this. It is not improper for you to love her. You deal with too much guilt about that my boy."

"How do you mean that Umpa?," asked Derby.

"What?," started Umpa. "You don't admit feeling guilty about your desires for Jeninqua? As a married man. As a family man. You scooping her up with your erect firm dragon so that she and you were one entwined soul, with her breath on your cheek and her legs around you? This doesn't make you feel guilty?"

"Now who is making me feel guilty?," asked Derby excitedly. "Who is painting a picture of lust and deception?"

"You were driving that dragon my boy," said Umpa.

"Then why do you tell me that I shouldn't feel guilty?," asked Derby.

"Thank you," said Umpa. "We're making progress. Because she's not what you think. And that red dragon was more than just your sex wand. Follow me back to the house. I have something to show you.

Chapter Twenty Seven. Lifting of the Veil

Lifting of the Veil

Back in the Scontandia headquarters the Jade fighters were bungling with the white marble. The Scontandia chief had oozed back onto the walls with the other dripping sickness but was observing the Jade females who were frustrated by the invincibility of the little ball.

"Smash it again!," yelled the Jade leader to the one with the large hammer, who had been pounding on the marble to no avail.

"It is impervious to our violence," assured the hammer swinging fighter. This time she had "Dixie," one of the other fighters, hold the white object still.  Her swing landed the hammer head squarely on Dixie's knuckle with the full force of the heavy pounder.

"Ouch," screamed Dixie, pulling back her hand to her chest so she could get a closer  look at the damage. With her automatic reaction to jerk backwards, she lost her footing and tripped over one of the other Jade fighter's legs, who was looking over Dixie's shoulder to view the operation.

Both Dixie and the other fighter fell down and in the ruckus, Dixie landed on top of the other woman and her bleeding finger was shoved deeply into the mouth of the fighter who had fallen underneath her. Quite involuntarily, the other Ninja bit down on Dixie's broken knuckle. This evidently was excruciating for Dixie who wailed in anguish with a high pitched scream.

Both the Jade leader and the fighter holding the hammer covered their ears to shield them from the high pitch screech of Dixie and the hammer went tumbling through the air. It just so happened that the Jade leader was standing exactly in the right position to stop the hammer from hitting the wall because it bludgeoned her exactly between the eyes.

You could almost see little birdies and hear the tinkle of "coo-coo" as the Jade leader staggered and fell backwards onto a nearby pallet loader on wheels. She was unconscious so she didn't realize that she was rolling across the floor headed toward the stack of their weapons.

The crash caused one of the rifles to fire, which in turn guided a bullet to break a beaker of sulfuric acid, intended for further experimentation with the stubborn marble. The sulfuric acid happened to drip off the table onto the leg of the unconscious Jade leader who woke suddenly by the burning activity on her thigh. In a crazed fury, and blinded by the pain, she stumbled onto Dixie and the other fallen fighter. Enough sulfuric acid was on her clothing that it started burning the other two.

Dixie uncontrollably kicked the leader in the groin and jabbed the other fighter in the face with her elbow, which caused a similar chain reaction by the other fighter, who pulled Dixie's hair causing Dixie to trip toward the fourth fighter who had been watching in amazement.

When Dixie's head butted her in her stomach with such overpowering force she vomited, covering the rest of the clandestine beauties with her putrid dark green and yellowish bile, fully transforming the episode into one miraculous comedy.

Derby and Umpa were sipping tea and studying an unrolled map of the Himalayas.

"This is Junpa Village in Quxu County," said Umpa. I received my Red Dragon training in Junpa."

"Did you have a dragon between your legs too?," asked Derby, earnestly.

"We all have a dragon between our legs dear boy," said Umpa smiling. "Some men have learned to control their dragon and others haven't. But this is what I want to explain to you."

"What do you mean all men have a dragon Umpa," asked Derby, looking down toward his lap. "Until you flung that black marble in my mouth I had a very modest Mr. Winkie, thank you very much."

"Yes but the red dragon is not the object but the spirit of the object," explained Umpa. "You see, you're still very controlled by your instincts. Like a small child, you respond to your physical desires," he continued. "Most American's have come to understand a subtle energy in our bodies called "Chi (pronounced Chee)," but there are two other energies in everyone's body, even more subtle and hardly known about in the West. One is Jing, the other Shen. The Red Dragon is the Yang spirit of Jing. It is the human force which has caused the problems of the modern world."

"The problems of the modern world?," asked Derby astounded. "You mean greed, violence, corruption, hatred, bigotry, war, pestilence and ecological collapse? Because these are the problems we have inherited in our world."

"Yes," said Umpa sadly. "All of it. It is rooted in the spirit of the Red Dragon, unfortunately."

Chapter Twenty Eight. Turning the corner

The bright three quarter moon beamed irrepressibly over bare trees in the dark morning sky. The dull pulse of the Earth tugged on the sinews of Derby's physiology to remind him that he too was alive, but something was missing. The usual snap of crisp morning electrons weren't popping with their normal vigor in some distant chain of attraction. The steady crack and rumble of invisible pressure which had pushed him along on other mornings was absent as he searched for the reason to move.

Surely his wife and daughter needed him. Some business or associate would require his input. Leaves hung nimbly on branches with no sign of falling. The light of daybreak fractured the stillness and blinding rays came crashing across the house ("roof" added later, retaining original for flavor until some soon future date) tops, invading the morning with relentless necessity.

No where to hide from the question with no answer to return, "Who are you Derby and why aren't you doing whatever it is you should be?"

A clock was ticking somewhere but there was no tick tock ticking. A river was running somewhere but there was no splish splash rippling. Birds were singing somewhere but there were no tweet tweets chirping. All there was was the mounting crush of desperation. The crippling agony of knowing things and seeing solutions but not finding a soul who was interested.

Slowly Derby stared back at his pathetic impression, having contributed so little to a world with such fantastic needs. He realized everything has added up to exactly what it should. All has been a series of choices and nothing matters except the moment.

"Come on dude. Get a grip," the muffled hum seemed to be cheered from the sidelines. "We're with you buddy. We need you more than you know," came the overture. "Now is the time. Right now. There is no other."

Chapter Twenty Nine. Walking a Mile in Another Man's Donut Addiction

Walking a Mile in Another Man's Donut Addiction

Derby had been left in a chasm. He was alone in a vacuum. Alone except  for endless chatter in the vast space of his mind. He wandered and drifted. He dreamt and pondered. So many stones to look under. So much to uncover. But mostly he realized he had so much to let go of.

It was a temptation to cling to beliefs, this desire to solve the problems, this conviction of the "I, me, mine" which restricted his freedom. "Who is Derby Joshua Clearwater Ripley? To thine own self be true. Without thinking of good or evil what is your original nature AT THIS MOMENT!? Return to the original uncarved block. Simplify.

Remember the analogy about the horse. We sit atop a horse. A horse of great power and agility. The horse will sometimes run. If allowed the horse will fly on the wind at great speed as if totally unencumbered. When the horse runs out of control, it is easy for us to think we ARE the horse. After enough time of allowing the horse to run free, we can even forget that we sit atop the horse with reins in our hands. The horse is not us. We control the horse.

Umpa had downloaded the "value pack"  to Derby of how mankind had gotten to this point. He delivered his "La lecture de la creme" through the night and Derby eventually slept. When he awoke he couldn't find his body. He couldn't find the room where Umpa had left him.

He had everything he always had had. Total recall of his memories, complete control of his mind. But no senses. He sniffed, or tried to, but there was no sniffer and no smells. His taste buds had never deceived him. "I'll discover the flavor of this state of affairs," he told himself, "and know where I am."

So he tried to smack his lips and move his tongue, but he soon found he had neither, nor were there flavors waiting to be tasted, if he could find his mouth. He looked around but quickly realized he had no eyes to see and nothing to lay eyes onto. He reached out to find anything to touch, in case he was just temporarily blinded, but he had no finger tips because he had no fingers, nor hands or arms, and besides, there was nothing to grab onto. He paused to be very very still. "Listen," he told himself. "Surely there is something to hear!" But no, nothing. No drumming and no ear drum. Just a blank sheet. And a mind. He imagined himself falling backwards onto the emptiness of this void. He drifted once again into the space that allowed him to return to a body. He dreamt that he was a man.

"Hello Derby," said the passenger on the train, who sat next to him in his dream.

"Hello," replied Derby as he sized up the fellow next to him. "Are you dreaming too or have I created you?," he asked earnestly.

"Everything is of your own making," said the stranger. "Your reality is a lesson meant for you. You can imagine having influence and you can choose to act nobly. But the reason for your feet is not for the footprints they leave behind but for walking."

"And what of your feet kind stranger?," asked Derby of his dreamed up traveling companion. "Where are they taking you today?"

"Whereever you lead us Derby. I'm with you!," assured the stranger to our hero.

"Well then, to the donut shop!," suggested Derby, who had a craving for a dozen fresh glazed rounds of fried dough.

Chapter Thirty. Deep Into the Darkness Peering

Deep Into the Darkness Peering

Now the Peninsula is one of the finest hotels in Hong Kong. With breath taking harbour views and unrivaled, legendary elegance near the corner of Salisbury and Hankow Roads in the Tsim Sha Tsui district, the Peninsula couldn't be more remote from the dungeon, where the white marble laid, rocking back and forth after the Jade-fighter fiasco to destroy it had failed.

Derby hardly could remember his night at the Peninsula. The morning after...now that was another story. Waking up and seeing Jeninqua escape the sheets, naked and seductive. Even now thinking about it made him shiver. Except he didn't have a body to shiver in. But he sure feels like shivering with that thought of Jeninqua climbing out of those legendary elegant sheets from that mind blowing suite at the Peninsula, with breath taking harbour views. Shiver, shiver, shiver. "My God where is my body because I can sure feel the shiver."

Rocking back and forth. The white marble, still with inertia. A universe could dwell inside a marble. Couldn't it? Let's think about it for a second. Do you accept the thought of endless space? Or maybe not endless, but here is a number for you. The Milky Way. Just a speck in the whole mind blowing distance of space. It is 100,000 light years across it, containing 100 billion stars. How many galaxies exist in the universe? Well, physicists haven't been able to count too many of them yet. Only about two million have been identified, but they would guess there are about 100,000 million of them. So I won't try to put all those zeroes on the distance, and you and I can agree that doesn't mean it is endless, but it's pretty fucking far. Far out man!

So see, you and I easily accept the thought of nearly endless space...which approaches the concept of infinity. But this one is a little under our radar. What I'm about to discuss with you. The thought of infinintely small stuff. You see, if you accept the one concept, then you have to understand that it goes the other way too. Anything infinitely large means that it has an infinitely small dimension. Put those two concepts together and you start getting the feeling that distance in space only means something when it is held in relation to something else.

Now I'm going to say it. There is no reason that 100,000 million galaxies couldn't exist inside that white marble. We can only speculate about such things. But there is one fact, kind reader which I can confirm for you and remove any doubt which you may have. Derby is inside that white marble. Somehow he is like an egg salad in there mixed up with Jeninqua in the most bizarre way you could imagine. And the white marble is in the dungeon, about as far away from the Peninsula as you can get and still stay in Hong Kong.

But there is another hotel near the dungeon. Or I should say much closer than the Peninsula. It is called the Drummond. A less well known property with much less elegance and legend. We may call it a dump, but it still costs a pretty penny to stay there in Hong Kong.



Mark Sethlang, known as the "blues man" by friends had managed to land himself a gig in Hong Kong. The Duke of Lompowshen (a rich drug smuggler who had elevated himself in the social scene by creating a facade of nobility) had found Mark on Facebook by watching his little YouTube videos.

The Duke wanted to impress his Hong Kong friends that he could fly in an American entertainer. He also loved the blues. But what really got Mark the job was his raw ability of playing the zen flute. You see when Mark picked up that antique style reed instrument, he tapped into the spirit of the Great American Indian Grandfather Spirit. The Duke wasn't nearly attuned to anything so spiritual. In fact, Mark never tried to explain it. Still, what came out of that hollow tube was so primal, that Mark had a glimpse of immortality when those vibrations emanated from the end of that flute.

Not to be too confusing courteous reader, because Mark is nearly a totally innocent bystander in the remarkable events which took place near the Drummond Hotel, while he was snoring under stiff synthetic sheets. You see, a little black mouse climbed out of his guitar case that evening and sniffed its way to the dungeon, just three blocks away.

And just as the little white marble was about to stand still, while the Jade fighters were about to be liquified for their ineptness to destroy it, by the thick black scrunge dripping down the walls, otherwise known as the chief of Scontandia, Mark's black mouse zipped across that dirty floor.

Yes a creature came stirring, and even a mouse! But not one of the slap stick fighters, nor even the powerful Dr. Evil,



occupying his favorite embodiment of thick sludge on dingy dungeon walls saw the scampering rodent.

And with the mind of lord or lady, without a moment stopped or stayed he, our little scamp came charging to that saintly marble on the dank and cruddy floor. Here he swallowed that marble and off he scurried to the other door. Will we see him evermore?

uh, yeah

Chapter Thirty One. Nice and Cozy in the White Marble

Nice and Cozy in the White Marble

Funny the things that will cross a person's mind when they find themselves in a state of limbo. Not having a body isn't totally without benefits. For one, you don't get hungry. Actually, you have a certain "body memory" so you have this imitation hunger, which is actually a form of addiction and addicitions are much more lingering than true energy (but that is another story--and you poor reader have quite a lot on your plate with keeping track of white marbles and black marbles and mice and spinning wheels and whatnot, so we'll cut you a little slack...this time). Derby found himself with the thought that he hasn't been able to check email or Facebook for about a week.

A week? Is that all it has been? Wow, actually less than a week. All this can happen in less than a week? Well I guess if the Milky Way is 100,000 light years across

just to be clear...100,000 light years across means that if you could travel at the speed of light (which we're gaining traction on discovery but not nearly close to having any technology like that yet), it would take you 100,000 years to get from this little piggy to that little piggy.

But wait, there's more! (If you order now)...That is just one dinky little galaxy. Now there are expected to be about 100,000 million (that's right 100,000,000,000) galaxies. So to hop in your spiffy Jettson's speedster and zip across it all it would take...100,000,000,000,000,000 light years to meet your buddy at Paul's.

So, if all that can fit in a white marble (which it can and does, but again, don't want to overload you cherished lover), I guess lots can happen in a week. You see, as much can happen in the 100,000th of a second as could happen in the 14.7 billion years since the big bang. Hint, hint. There is a correlation between what we think of as time and what we think of as distance (space). In case you hadn't noticed, you just pretty much covered all the ground work of E=MC2 in those last few paragraphs. See, quantum physics can be sexy! Bet you didn't know that...

Thanks for tagging along on that sideline expedition of Derby does Einstein, but the point is that Derby found himself thinking about stuff which he hadn't been able to while villains are blasting his family jewels and a new girlfriend is being swallowed by his gargantuen red peni...scratch that...red dragon. So email and Facebook...yeah, he wondered what has been going on there.

Well, we shouldn't tell him because he would just worry about it, but there was email from Mark Sethlang that he was being called out of town unexpectedly to perform in Hong Kong, and if Derby had a chance, would he mind giving him a ride, once he got back home.

There was other stuff too, but we won't go into it. His buddy Donny Sideburns had a record number of comments on a thread about his confectionary business. There were also the usual thousands of fan mail love letters to him about Children of Zol. But we certainly don't want him to know that because we figure one body part being extraordinarily too large is quite enough for one day without also contributing to the size of his head....

Besides thinking of home, Pam and Barbie, emails, FB, new friends, new fantasies, there was one huge new blast in his mind about the most recent dream he had while in this extraordinary bodiless state of perdition (well, that is too harsh because the truth is we all deal in this state but don't notice it because our bodies are such "high maintenance" and seem to always be getting the extra grease). So the dream...

do you mind? because if you would prefer we get back to the action adventure, we can do that too?

You don't mind? How sweet of you! Kiss.

OK, so in this dream, he had been frustrated because he had been constantly trying to reach his mother on his cell phone but wasn't able to. It was as if there was no signal or it would never ring, or whatever. But he never got close to a connection with her. That was just going on as sort of the pulling thread of the story but he was in a car doing that, looking for something.

He found himself on a one way street going the wrong way and people were signaling to him, "Wrong way, turn around!," but he persevered and finally found a parking place.

Derby left his car there and got out to a beautiful park like place where people had started to gather. There was a band warming up that was going to play to the audience in the park but Derby was preoccupied. One he was still trying to call his Mother every few minutes and two he was facing the wrong direction to watch the band.

Then it happened. The really freaky thing that was so real and so familiar. This guy, like an Indian guy who seemed like an old old friend had come right next to Derby outside and said the strangest thing. It seemed he meant, "Listen" but he said "Don't listen." It was as if he directly was explaining, without using words, that Derby was faced the wrong way to hear the music, so he should pay attention to hear it. But the words he used were DON'T LISTEN!

And the dude himself. He was like a strong Indian man, very wise, and in a way like had known Derby all his life, but for the life of him, as Derby thought about the guide now, he couldn't place him. But it was obvious that the man was a spiritual guide and may have been the main angel in Derby's life.

What brought Derby's attention that the Indian man (let's call him Waahumm--if you're lucky we'll get around to that name later, believe me it has significance!)...Waahumm was there in the first place, Derby felt a little pressure on the back of his head where he felt the back of the cap. He was wearing one of those Irish style touring caps

And the pressure was like some big animal was biting the back of the cap right at the intersection of his head so he could feel the small sensation of the bite. But it was very controlled, like by an animal which was being playful and loving.

So Derby's response to Yaahumm was, "What is biting me back there?"

Without needing an anser he learned it was the big black German Sheppard which was just as familiar and unfamilar as Yaahumm himself. Like the pair came in a package. And the German Sheppard seemed in many ways to be the much better friend to Derby than Yaahumm was. The dog was a mature female and huge. Very strong with a fierce jaw but very gentle, and this part is weird...smiling!

The dog came up along side of Derby, on the other side from Yaahumm and Derby was so happy to see it. He started scratching her chest and talking to her with baby talk. He was practically face to face with her and he realized that this better be the dog he thought she was because this frigging animal could rip his face off effortlessly.

But the dog was obviously so devoted and Derby was obviously its true master and oldest friend. The love ran so deep that it would be nearly an excruciating pain to once again be parted.

Yaahumm and Derby exchanged some small talk and then Derby screamed out, "Look." And on his arms, both arms, tatoo writing had manifested. Like heiroglyphs or Egyptian letters and symbols, like bands around his wrists and arms. Derby couldn't understand them but he knew they were instructions or meant a lot. Yaahumm was amazed but kept his cool. It was as if he wished they had appeard on his arms. He mentioned something about what it meant, but not the actual meaning of the words. He wasn't "evolved" enough to know that, but he seemed to indicate that Derby was.

The amazing thing about the dream is that it was overwhelmingly positive and left such a wonderful feeling. No sadness. Not the hint of anything bad about it. One of those "Today is the first day of the rest of your life" feelings.

The writing was also very colorful and wonderous. It faded back off his skin and Yaahumm said something about that too.

Let's see. Is this chapter already so long that to give you some more story about the development of the marble and getting back to Umpa would be over taxing you kind reader?

The narrator scrolls up, takes a sip of coffee, reflects about particular friends and smiles to himself...

"Oh shit," he thinks to himself. "They can handle it." But we'll keep 'er concise and avoid any more physics or math problems ok?

So it seems Umpa had bumped into Mark in the Ganzhou airport before the Blues man boarded his train to Hong Kong and long before Mark would make his way to the Drummond Hotel, blocks away from the Dungeon of tell-tale-heart.

There were the customary apologies and excusing of each other when the large open shirted Umpa and the hair-in-his-eyes slightly-rushed-anxious traveler bumped into one another. Without the flautist's inkling of "transfer-said-mouse here," a friendly black mouse jumped out of Umpa's pocket and onto Mark's twelve string guitar case (the dobro case was in his other hand). You see, "slipping someone a Mickey" has a whole new meaning in this context doesn't it cherished reader?

So this is surely enough for one day. Geah-ahead, get back to your other distractions. But first a little peck on my cheek. Right cheer.

Mmmmmwaaaa! Thanks!

Chapter Thirty Two. Fire Fire Everywhere but Ne'er a Flame to Drink

Fire Fire Everywhere but Ne'er a Flame to Drink

When you exist as egg salad, amidst hundreds of thousands of millions of galaxies, all snuggled inside a white marble, you would think you would be less sensitive to the movement of the globe. But as the black mouse that had "exited stage left" from the scene of the crime at dungeon central was scampering along the streets of Hong Kong toward the upstairs laundry, Derby thought he perceived movement.

"Hello?" Derby asked, without a voice and without a mouth.

No reply. Just the slightest feeling of difference to the situation.

"Hello? Jeninqua? Umpa? What is happening?," with this Derby realized he was thinking, just how you always do when anticipating a conversation, but this time it was very different. I'll loan you my bodilessness sometime and you'll get the idea.

"Is someone out there?," Derby continued to voice mouthlessly. "Because if you're out there, I need a little help here. Dragon? Dragon buddy...is that you? Could use a little pick-me-up boy."

Derby tried to look between his legs but he didn't have legs to look at and didn't have eyes to see with. He didn't even have a neck so he could bend down to look. Just swirling thoughts and a teeny tiny indication of mobility.

The mouse was already low to the ground, sniffing along, but when a white marble containing a hundred million universes has been digested, it tends to rub along the ground like a bowling ball being pulled in a burlap bag by an angry twelve year old. Sort of like the action of a steel wheeled jalopy with rusted out coil springs bumping along a dry dirty road with a thousand pot holes.

"I'm sure I can tell something is happening out there!" said Derby who had formerly referred to himself as the guy who could feel the pea under a hundred mattresses.

Clump, clank, clop, bounce, boing. The mouse trudged along and even managed to navigate the stairs to the apartment over the laundry.

"Trevor!," greeted Umpa delightedly to the belly dragging mouse. "We're so happy you're here! Bai Ling, give Trevor some refreshment!"

Dear Reader. I have to tell you. Yes, we know Jeninqua is a stone cold fox and all. But little Bai Ling. She's a cutie too. I think we may just have to get our own Mary Ann and Ginger debate going on here. Could be an excellent contest on Facebook, whatayathink?

Bai Ling lovingly picked up Trevor, gave him a sweet small nose kiss and set him on the table which had been prepared for his arrival. The porcelain may have originally been designed for a doll house, but the setting looked as if it was tea service for royalty. There was a dime sized ornate platter laden with tiny pieces of cheese (seven varieties!), and an even smaller saucer with what must have been just a few drops of honey. There was also a  miniature tea cup of bone china with brewed tea, though only an eye dropper full.

Trevor looked up at Bai Ling and wiggled his whiskers as if to say, "Right on!," and proceeded to chow down.

"Bai Ling," asked Umpa to his charming assistant. "Do you think Mr. Ripley has his belly full of adventure yet?"

"I think at the moment he may be missing his belly!," replied Bai Ling. "But Trevor here seems to have a little room left in his, in spite of the bulge in his abdomen!"

"OK Trevor," said Umpa as if he was talking to a son or an employee. "You know the drill. Spin the wheel!"

With that, Trevor sprung to the adjoining roulette wheel. Working from the inside, the small mouse started running in circles around the hub of the giant wheel. Gradually he was able to move the colorful  disk.  As the mouse increased the circumference of its course, the slotted plate acquired momentum. Soon, the wheel was spinning so fast and the black mouse had swung so far to the outer edge, that all one could see was a solid black streak outlining a dizzying reel.

Slowly, the inertia lost energy and as the blended colors of the spinning device transformed into separate blocks of red and blue, and the occasional black and white on both ends, the streak of black was no longer a line on the outside, but had metamorphosed into a shiny bright white marble.

At first the momentum of the ball seemed to have wheels of its own as it circled the alternating red and blue slots, but eventually, it was bouncing from hole to hole. First a white one. Then a black. Then another black. Then white, white, black, white, black. Ting, tang, clink, clank. Never once stopping in the majority--either red or blue. Always bouncing from the white and black, as if it was trained to only settle in one or the other. Then finally the white globe came to a rest.

Umpa and Bai Ling were held like puppies looking at some unknown phenomena, tranfixed. The white marble was cushioned in a blue crevice!

Chapter Thirty Three. Put the Lime in the Coconut

Put the Lime in the Coconut

It wasn't that it would be so improbable that the marble would land in either the red or blue. It was just that they had become so accustomed to seeing both the white marble and the black (which had been the marbles Derby had transferred energy into while he worked them with his hands) to fall either in the black slot or the white slot.

Bai Ling said, "Umpa, didn't you say that Derby's marbles tend to be very Yang or Yin  and that they are attracted to the white and black notches in the wheel?"

"Yes," replied Umpa emphatically, "but honestly it is not to be considered unexpected that the white marble would fall in either red or blue. Under most circumstances, for most people their marbles would fall in the majority. I suppose my guess would have been that the Yang marble of Master Ripley would have been more likely to fall in the red than blue, but remember Bai Ling, this information is important for us to continue to understand him. Much magic resides in his balls!"

Bai Ling looked at Umpa carefully to see if he had intended to make her laugh or to throw her off guard. But Bai Ling was well trained in meditation and the martial arts, and was quite equipped to catch a slung dart and to return it to her target..."Umpa, who has more magic in his balls? You or Derby's deepest self?"

"Haha," burst Umpa. "Very good little one! But before I answer, have you checked the magic in your balls lately?"

Again Bai Ling received the dart, examined it and returned it at full speed. "I don't tell people about such things Master," she said coyly, "just as I wouldn't discuss any other fruits hanging from my person!"

"Enough mental gymnastics little one. Trust me, you need many more lessons to spar with me. For your information. Derby has more magic in his balls," said Umpa, almost with an edge of disappointment. "But, he won't have access to most of it for years to come! Now here is some magic for you my little flower!"

With that, Umpa flung a nearby vase through the air toward her. He managed to do this without touching it from the table, simply by swiping his finger as if he was slinging a bead on an abacus.

"Easy Teacher!" yelled Bai Ling as she caught the flying vase and gently set it on the table near her. "That is a delicate piece."

Without hesitating Umpa repeated his performance, this time slinging the white marble from the blue slot.

Again, Bai Ling caught it easily and held it in her hand. "What am I to do with Master Ripley's marble, Teacher?," Bai Ling asked of the smiling Buddha.

"Drop it in the vase," replied Umpa. "We have to learn a few more things before proceeding with his lessons.

Chapter Thirty Four. Stranger in a Strange Land

Stranger in a Strange Land

From the moment the white marble universe came crashing into the pit of the vase, Derby knew that all hell was about to break loose. With each bounce of the shiny white globe against the inside of the delicate vase, he felt as if he was tossed out of a bed, which his body remembered being in. Even though at the moment he had no body that he knew of and couldn't remember quite the last time he was in a bed.

"Kaboom. Ping. Pong. Varoom."

And Derby's world was shaking. "What the hell is going on?," Derby asked himself as he tried to stabilize his body which he currently wasn't housed in.

The kaboom and ping, pong, varoom was heard a second time, as if it had been screamed from the top of the Grand Canyon, along with "Hello!" Then the recall echo came again, this time with less volume--kaboom, ping, pong, varoom.

So Derby decided to add his voice to the mix as he screamed, "Helloooooo?!"

And the salute came back as an echo, "Hello." Then after a minute another, "hello," and then a third more mellow echo, "hello."

To Derby's utter amazement, as he looked out without eyes, and without a head to hold the eyes, and without a neck to look up with, and without his normal long torso to hold his neck, he saw what appeared to be a monster face staring down from the heavens. And with the vision of the monster from above came the sound of "Fe, fi, fo, fum," except the words were, "Derby my boy! Are you quite well?"

The monster was Umpa! Derby felt a sense of relief, nearly convinced after all this time that he was simply consciousness held in suspension.

"Umpa," he yelled to hear the recall, "Umpa, Umpa, umpa, umpa." He continued, "Is that you," then "that you. you. you. you"

"Yes my boy," said the monster head of Umpa from above, who was simply his normal Buddha self looking down into the vase. Umpa continued to instruct our hero. "I need you to look with your eyes, without seeing and see without looking."

Derby raised his non-existent arm to scratch his non-existent head. "Look with my eyes (which I don't have as far as I can tell) without seeing and see without looking?" What the hell is that suppose to mean?

But as he tried to follow the big man's recommendation, he imagined seeing his arm holding his hand scratching his head. And he saw it!

"As things start to come into focus, you will become very concerned about what you see," warned Umpa. He continued, "Your marble settled in the blue. This explains so much! But now we will no longer be able to hide the surprise which will no doubt cause you grave concern."

Derby felt the knot in his stomach as his body became more and more clear to the eyes in his head.

"You see," said Umpa, "That even though your deepest self is extremely Yang, you have a Yin influence in the second position, which is stabilized with five Yang layers underneath it."

Derby was totally at a loss to know what any of this meant but mostly he was so shocked by what he was seeing of his person, that he was unable to focus on much else except his body.

"But then," Umpa continued, "your marble settled in the crystal clear blue influence of water. Your fire inside will be overwhelmingly repositioned as your water will steam. And you will learn to accept your yin influences which are so close to the top of your total psychic self.

"I want to hear my voice," said Derby as he tested the reverb in the valley, to hear the reply, "voice, voice, voice."

Exactly as he was afraid to learn. The echo was of Jeninqua's voice. Derby assumed he was in Jeninqua's body. But he wasn't.

Chapter Thirty Five. I Dream of Jeninqua

I Dream of Jeninqua

The speed with which the mind works is really an amazing thing. It had only been a fraction of a second since Umpa had prepared Derby for the shock he was about to experience. But Derby's consciousness had sped forwards and backwards.

He relived all the experiences since boarding Panfran Flight 1622 to Hong Kong, including the first time he laid eyes on Jeninqua aboard the plane and also the rear view of her naked body in the hotel room the next morning. He vividly recalled the details of the flight of the Red Dragon with Jeninqua mounted aboard his missile and barely the space for their skin between them.

"I'm having the body sensations that she experiences," Derby thought to himself as he rubbed his/her arm with his/her hand. He explored, for the briefest of experiments his/her inner thigh with his/her hand, but he quickly pulled back.

"This is too weird," he caught himself thinking.

His thoughts flew to before the flight to Hong Kong, of getting the call from Justin Scoville from Planetary Publishing. He noticed that these images seemed more foreign. So he concentrated on his boyhood, of growing up in Roughskin Heights. He imagined the little square houses, all placed on a larger square grid. He thought of the folding door between the living room and one of the bedrooms.

These thoughts were even more foreign, as if they were out of place in this feminine head he seemed to be wearing at the moment. So he thought of Jeninqua and tried to imagine her life. He found that this generated a certain body sensation! He felt the sizzle and snap of energy. He tried to crystalize any details of her life which he couldn't possibly have ever known of.

Suddenly, he remembered his Cocker Spaniel, as a boy, Poco. He remembered caring for the dog and loving it. Again, he felt the same physical sensation of energy flow within this foreign body which he oddly found himself occupying.

"What if I just dwell on the energy itself?," he asked himself. As he did that, again, another image of his life from another period prior to Panfran Flight 1622 presented itself. It was with Barbie, his daughter. She was suffering from her first puppy love broken heart and Derby was able to support her by offering her unconditional love and understanding. He remembered her collapsing into him and his being able to remove the actual anxiety energy which had originally seemed so crippling to her. As he accepted the negative force into his own body, he had the satisfaction of knowing his sacrifice would speed-up her healing time.

As Derby allowed himself to experience these feelings of nurturing, he noticed he became quite relaxed into the body of beautiful Jeninqua.

Now that he had eyes and a head to hold them, he could look around and he was amazed to find a beautiful exotic round sofa and a burning candle. He was in a bottle!

"How can I find this to be relaxing?," he wondered to himself as he fell back on to the over-stuffed shiny pillows.

"My God, I'm wearing see-through chiffon pantaloons!," Derby murmered to himself as he felt the material and by so doing also softly touched his legs. He looked closely at his thin fingers and took note of the sensation of where his foreign fingertips softly explored the baby like skin on his foreign legs.

Looking down at the furry center just below the supple skin around his/her belly button, Derby struggled with a confusing array of feelings. The hairs seemed so clean and soft and lovely from one perspective but sickening from another view, because he knew he now lived here.

Almost without being able to stop himself, his thin delicate fingers reached for the pubic area he had breifly seen back in the Peninsual Hotel. The thin fabric offered no resistance but did add a layer of excitement as his lovely fingers explored the patch of soft fiber.

Suddenly he was gripped with overwhelming shame when he heard the monster-like voice of Umpa rattle the inner chamber of his "I Dream of Jeninqua" bottle. Derby withdrew his probing fingers and turned his attention up toward the opening of the vase. He could tell that Umpa could see him and he felt naked, even though slightly covered by the veil like chiffon costume. As he crossed his arms to shield the view of his/her firm round breasts, he heard his Jeninqua voice exclaim:

"Umpa, change me back to myself! Enough is enough!"

"Nothing is different with you my son except your perspective," explained Umpa. "You are who you are!"

"I seem to be Jeninqua and I'm in a bottle talking to a monster head," yelled Derby in Jeninqua's delicate voice.

"Yes my son, you're a lovely specimen indeed," resounded the voice from above.

"Well you're a big fat jerk," said the tiny feminine voice. Derby noticed his words in this mouth seemed a little strange on exit, but he continued. "So work your voodoo-fiddle-dee-hocus-pocus rumpus bumpus, and give me back my pecker!"

"Your body is adjusting to your true self," echoed Umpa's voice, down the neck of the vase to Derby's pretty new ears. "Make yourself comfortable. When you find your true center, you'll learn that you are not your body."

"I'm not my body now ass-hole," said the crisp sexy Jeninqua voice with as husky an edge as Derby was able to lend it. I've got a pussy and tits and an ass most chics would kill for. The only center I see is a juicy sweet spot I used to dream about where once a dragon emanated from. Go to hell!"

Derby turned himself over so his beautifully curved rump faced the heavens and buried his face in the exotic shiny pillows. His new body trembled as the tears flowed and he cried and cried just like a little girl.