Goofy Finds His Balls
Derby's assailants were leading him through the throng of people along the Park Promenade leading away from Disneyland toward the Lantau Ferry.
Once the three were well beyond the parking and commotion of Disneyland, Derby dressed as Goofy attracted and increasing number of attention. What had been a welcome distraction for him, a fantasy of being kidnapped by two attractive young females, expecting them to be interested in him as a "boy toy," sadly, turned out to be all-in-his-head.
What was dripping off of his head were puddles of sweat from the polyester fur of The Big Goof. Derby was listening to Paul Simon in his head, singing I DON'T FIND THIS STUFF AMUSING ANYMORE, as the knife point in his ribs kept a steady stinging reminder that Goofy was just along for the ride. Two determined females were doing the driving.
"Don't try anything funny Ripley," said the shorter female, named Zhong Li.
"Huh-yuk," came Derby's best Goofy impersonation, "You mean like going to shoot some golf?"
"Golf!," proclaimed the taller of Derby's two escorts, Tsu Yen. "Yes, that would be fun."
"Are they in season?," said Derby, still in character as the comic character, with his accent derived from a hillbilly hound.
"Enough of your bullshit Ripley," warned Zhong Li, adding a little pressure from the knife.
When Derby felt the jerk of his head crack his neck and the force of his body being slung to the ground, he wasn't altogether sure that the girls hadn't decided to punish him for his unacceptable Goofy impersonation. But quickly, in the skirmish, he learned that his buddy Mark Sethlang had come to his rescue.
"Dude," said Mark as he scuffled with Zhong Li. "Don't let that other one get away!,"
The other one he referred to was Tsu Yen who had taken off and was running away from the ferry into the crowd.
Unsure exactly what to do except take off the Goofy head to release steam, Derby was thrilled to expose himself to the Hong Kong air.
Zhong Li had rolled on top of Mark and was straddling him, holding the sharp object to his neck.
"You're both coming with me," threatened the able bodied fighter, keeping her eyes focussed on Sethland and the point of the weapon firmly against his carotid artery. "Ripley, one advance from you and I'll open the lovely red fountain of your buddy here."
"Dude," Mark was only able to say a few words before deciding he didn't want to risk the flood of the red fountain. "It isn't a knife. I saw it on the ground. It is an INK PEN!"
He was quieted quickly as the ink pen pushed further into his artery. "It IS a pen and will easily open your big fat vein, Slimeball," spoke Zhong Li delicately.
Without her noticing, Derby had freed up his right arm from the costume and had reached into his pants pockets and found the white and black marbles. As he rubbed them together, he heard himself quote the reminder "Know the male but keep to the female."
As if a power had come from somewhere else, he felt himself going through the motions of an Olympic shot putter, and with his left hand holding his Goofy head he swung in one full circle until the gigantic head smashed up against Zhong Li's chest and right arm.
In spite of her Kung Fu training, the female was completed disarmed and thrown easily off of Mark, and the fountain pen tumbled out of her hands and away from her. Derby helped Mark to his feet, and without looking behind them, the two Americans raced into the crowd back toward the Disney park.
After Mark and Derby were thick in the crowd, Mark finally spoke.
"Man, what is going on? Those chicks are intense! Are you in some kind of trouble dude?"
Derby had been handling his balls. Black and white, revolving around each other. Instead of the warm energy they would have produced from his earlier experience with them, his hand felt as if it were submerged in cool water. Having his hand on his balls felt as if he had a fish bowl of water in his pocket.
Mark noticed a glazed look in Derby's eyes and could tell by the drooping Goofy arm of the costume that Derby had his hand in his pants.
Mark continued, "Derby, come on man! Stop playing with yourself! Tell me what is going on!"
By turning the marbles over and over and focussing on the "Yin-inside Yang-inside Yin," as Umpa had taught him, Derby was experiencing great clarity.
"Mark, our reunion is coming up, right?"
"Yeah, so?," was Mark's quick reply.
"I think we should invite all our friends who are musicians and have a jam session!," recommended Derby, as if they back on the stoop in their old stomping grounds, without a care in the world.
"I think you need to take your hands out of your pants and wake up. A little Chinese angel "she-devil" just about ripped my throat open with a fountain pen, and you want to get the gang together and play Home On the Range!"
Derby showed Mark the white and black marble by sliding his arm up through the neck hole of the Goofy costume and forcing the zipper so the heavy fur fell off of him easily. As he stepped out of the hot suit, he explained.
"These marbles are going to help you turn the corner brother. I don't need them anymore," Derby handed the white and black porcelain orbs to Mark, who took them cautiously. "I'll explain how to use them later, but right now I've got an appointment to keep with Justin Scoville! See you at the reunion. Don't forget. We're going to jam!"
With that, Derby reversed course toward the ferry and left Mark holding the balls, who was staring at them with a confused look.
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