Chapter Seventy. I'm so happy we had this time together

I'm so happy we had this time together

My cherished reader: Do you mind if we talk amongst ourselves? Whether you join us now, at a point we'd have to declare well past mid-stream, or you've swam the distance since Derby Doobey got the call from Justin Scoville to come to Hong Kong, we'll sort things out, either way. Might make things easier to follow...what do you think?

OK then.

We know that some time in the future, from the point that Tiffany Lokasher threw the coffee at the face of Justin Scoville's Asian bride, that we find Tsu Yen later, kissing our hero and proclaiming the most audacious suggestion, that Derby helps her create a little bambino (osanago, akachan, chinomigo, youji, akanbou, bebi in Japanese).

We also know that Tsu Yen first appeared to Derby with another Asian, perhaps a Chinese woman (although we couldn't really say at this point, except we know that her Kung Fu is very well developed and she seemed to be a ruthless fighter, perhaps even a killer), and the pair of them seemed to be kidnapping him.

If it hadn't been for the generous assistance of Mark Sethlang, Derby's friend from the mainland (the good ole' You Ess of Ay that is), Derby may well be buried six feet under or anchored to the floor of the bay of Hong Kong, bubble-less, turned white with water-logness, and now home to little fishies swimming inside and out of his eyes and nose.

We really don't quite know what to think of Tiffany Lokasher yet, do we? I mean other than she could tell she was no match for Tsu Yen, and that she would spontaneously throw coffee (which we assume was still warm, if not scalding hot) in the face of her boss's wife, after telling said wife (Tsu Yen) that she was to have no contact with her husband except through her.

At this point we don't know if Tsu Yen jumps on a plane to Hong Kong with the tickets and papers that were passed to her at the Continental Inn by her coffee drinking adversary. All we know is that Tsu Yen can show incredible control of her emotions sometimes, and that at other times she seems sweet and tender. We also know that she can have coffee thrown on her and walk past inquisitive strangers with no sign of embarrassment.

Now let's look in on where we left Justin Scoville, shall we?

Well, another interesting twist isn't it? Because when we last laid eyes on him he was mesmerized, hypnotized, cannibalized, electrified  and perhaps erectified too (though we should be careful reading too much into some of the symbolism and hints--what do you think?) by another young pretty Asian woman named Bai Ling (perhaps half Asian with the last name Johnson). And to really screw us around a little, Bai Ling is Umpa's apprentice and Umpa seems to be a mighty wizard in the story.

What do we know about Justin Scoville? He's a rich and seemingly powerful publisher and lives in a world that seems to wait upon him, as if he were royalty, and perhaps even fantastically charmed with a midas touch. We know that he is the son of a fighter pilot, is himself a pilot and feels comfortable being involved in a world of intrigue and high action adventure.

We may surmise that he has integrity, or something that certainly resembles integrity, by the way he refuses to be bullied or manipulated by forces such as media or public scrutiny. Why do we guess from that, that he has admirable moral fiber?...well, because we read into it that he seems to reflect, from his heart-of-hearts, an innate "goodness."

At the same time, whenever we're presented with a character like this, we automatically have prejudice don't we? He is successful and rich. He makes money and a lot of it. He also seems to be able to get the woman of his choice.

We get the feeling that women fall in love with him easily. We still don't know if he is a schmuck or not, when it comes to honoring women. We can start to worry about him at this point because he took a bride and from everything we've been able to see at this point is that he's sent her away...yes sent her packing, with what appears to be a lack of decency enough to tell her to her face, that she must travel back to Hong Kong.

We don't know what he feels for his Chief of Operations, Tiffany Lokasher. We know that he notices her and we certainly know that she loves him, but the only thing we know about their relationship for sure, is that she works a lot and seems to handle important details of his business. We suspect that he relies on her. We also might guess that he compensates her very well financially but perhaps doesn't give her fair recognition for her contributions to his success. We actually may even think that he strings her along and allows her to be in love with him, so that he can use her to his best advantage in business. But we don't really know these things do we courteous reader? No, actually we don't. But it is fair for us to make some assumptions, just so we can try to make sense of this whacky tale, wouldn't you agree?

And what about our hero, Derby Joshua Clearwater Ripley? The poor guy has had a working over  hasn't he? Now my fine feathered friend (reader extraordinaire!), if you are new to this frolic and haven't had the benefit of the other 60,000 words or so which have lead up to these newest developments, let me just tell you:

You haven't seen much in the way of whack. That's right. See, poor Derby has been alcoholified, tricked, been given a crash course in ancient chinese secrets (how to balance the forces of Yin and Yang within your own body and mind), transformed to a woman (whom we are to understand represents some aspect of himself, but the dude physically lived in the body of a woman!)...Let me stop there for a second and spend a little time on this subject.

Yes, Derby became a woman named Jeninqua. This part is really whacky doo. Jeninqua is the first woman to have thrown Derby into an upside down connundrum. You see, he fell for her. Yep, kind friend and reader-of-the-meter, Derby got the hots for this strange and beautiful woman named Jeninqua and later went through a metamorphosis (sort of a cocoon story in itself) and lived in her high heels for some time, maybe weeks, months for all we know. And he lived that life in a kind of I Dream of Jeannie existence in a miniature apartment in a bottle.

So we discover, about one fourth of the way through this complex (book of sorts) story,  that he had the hots for an aspect of himself, which was the opposite of him in the Yin/Yang world. And now he wants to run the other way, as fast as he can, from a magnificent creature with porcelain skin and shining eyes, because she just explained that her and her husband want Derby to bonk her and knock her up.

Yes, poor Derby has had the poop kicked out of him by Kung Fu fighters, has been held in a dungeon with broken limbs, has walked through a wondrous forest with magical animals, plants and rocks, had a flying dragon penis attached between his legs, seems to be getting lessons from a Gandalf-Merlin-ObiWanKenobe type of teacher named Umpa, just narrowly escaped falling in love again with another young maiden but now wants to run like hell from who he thinks is the devil's daughter and the poor guy isn't any closer to having his book deal which he came to Hong Kong hoping for in the first place.

So I'm glad we've had this little time together. I hope you are too. So let us proceed to the next chapter, and see who we'll accompany to the next surprise which awaits...