My Fair Lady
"Oh Umpa, you're a riot!," Derby said as his Jeninqua self.
Derby had settled into his routine as a Jeninqua in a bottle. He loved his soft clothes and plush surroundings and since he had recovered from his menstrual cycle, he was nearly always in a good mood. Umpa had just cracked a joke about the difference between men and women.
"Derby, my girl," said Umpa patiently, without the least vindictiveness in his voice. "You'll soon be ready for your move to new surroundings. But I'm so happy you've adapted so well to your Jeninqua body!"
"Well thank you Snuggums!," joyfully proclaimed the sweet Jeninqua voice (as Jeninqua, Derby discovered he was able to relate to the smiling Buddha in ways he never would have as the Dragon bearer. "And am I just imagining things or do you cherish visiting me more now that I've got a killer bod?...You animal!"
"Ha," Umpa snapped back quickly. "Don't forget, I've known Jeninqua for a long time, and like you, have seen her without clothing of any kind! But yes, my dear, you are a stone fox!"
"Just as I thought you dirty old Monster," said Derby coyly. "Now be a dear and bring me some more of this luscious Himalayan cashmere yarn."
Seems the Jeninqua Derby had become very fond of knitting, while she lounged in her cozy bottle apartment.
She poured herself another cup of the Jasmine flower tea, drizzled about a teaspoon of the delicious Calamansi honey from the Hong Kong eatery, Mango Medley (Umpa and Bai Ling spoiled Miss Derby with lots of exotic touches) and continued with her project, a cute little sweater for his niece's new baby boy.
"A stitch in time saves nine," she told herself, as her nimble fingers did the delicate work of the little Miss he had become. "Oh this is darling!," she said to herself, admiring her work.
"Derby honey," said the small voice of Bai Ling, from the nozzle of the tower over Derby's head. "How do you want today's news? Just forward it to your smart phone or on the live feed to your tellie? (Derby's "I Dream of Jeanni" pad was adorned with the traditional Mideastern Genie finishings but was also tricked out with the latest technology).
"Oh thank you sweetie," said Derby to his BFF Bai Ling. "Just send it to the boob tube and I'll watch it here in a minute."
"Just so you know, there's more disgusting news about Charlie Sheen," came the warning as the angelic voice of Bai Ling.
"Oh, God, I know!," agreed Derbinqua. "Men are such pigs!"
"Most of the time they let their little brain do their thinking for them," joked Bai Ling, as if she were exchanging observations with a band of sisters on a Sex in the City episode.
"Why can't a man be more like a woman!," asked the princess in the bottle, in her best impersonation of Henry Higgins. "Oh and Bai Ling...promise you'll never leave my side. I've grown accustomed to your face!"
"Cross my heart," promised the petite monster whose face filled the heavens, from the couch view of the bottle. "Never shall we part, as long as your heart stays pure!"
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